Page 184: Shitty

I have too much shit inside my head, lately. 

It needs to take a rest

Page 183: Current Addiction (part 11)

Only Love Can Break Your Heart

(The S.I.G.I.T covers Neil Young's)

When you were young and on your own

How did it feel to be alone

I was always thinking of games that I was playing

Trying to make the best of my time

But only love can break your heart

What if your world should fall apart

Yes only love can break your heart

Try to be sure right from the start

I have a friend I’ve never seen

He hide his head behind a screen

Someone should call him and see if he can come out

Try to loose the down that he’s found

Yes only love can break your heart

Try to be sure right from the start

Yes only love can break your heart

What if your world should fall apart

I have a friend i’ve never seen

He hide his head behind a screen

Yes only love can break your heart

I’m in love with this song. 

No, my heart is okay. Although since it broke the last time because of my stupidity, I don’t think I've already found all the missing parts, but I can guarantee that my heart is okay. 

Oh, I really wish I could play guitar.

Page 182: Sometimes... Part 18

Once, Mr. Palahniuk said, “If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't.”

Well, but my dear Chuck, sometimes, it’s way waaaay easier to make a list of things you do not want instead of otherwise. Or know what you want without knowing how to get it.

Page 181: The People vs. Larry Flynt

I watched The People vs. Larry Flynt last week, and I like it.

I like the way the movie tells Larry’s subsequent clash with law; the arguments, how did he react with it, his behavior, his statements, etc.

I like memorable quotes in this movie:
Flynt: “Because if the First Amendment will protect a scumbag like me...then it'll protect all of you. 'Cause I'm the worst.”
“If we want to change the laws, that's another discussion...but our right to decide for ourselves cannot be restricted. George Orwell said that...”
One of the judges (I forgot his name): “the First Amendment is not everything. It's of very important value, but it's not the only value in our society.”

And I like the way the movie depicts how Larry loves Althea so much, until the day she died. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s…it’s beautiful. For me, it’s beautiful. Really.

Larry: You're not talking about monogamy? 

Althea: No. Of course not. How could you misunderstand me? 

I don't wanna get married and stop the way we live. The way we live is great. Nothing would change. My God. 

Larry: Why now? 

Althea: Because I only wanna be with you. You're the only man I wanna be with. I want this ring on my finger...to tell me that you love me above all other women. 

Larry: You want a ceremony? 

Althea: I wanna go to a church. I wanna stand in front of a preacher. 

Larry: Pay the preacher first...and we'll get a "cashectomy" from the lawyer on the way out. You are my life.                   

Althea: You're my life. 

Page 180: Sometimes... Part 17

Sometimes...when I remember that day...when you walked, then you stopped and asked me "did i walk too fast?" when you found out that I was running behind you - although I know there will never be anything special between us - I smile.

Page 179: Need. Needed. Needy

She: sometimes I think a girl that act dumb, needy, when actually she’s smart and independent, is kinda use her brain to attract man. They know that most men still have this perspective that men have to be superior to women, even the smart ones. They use it as a weapon, a particular strategy so those men will feel that these girls need them. Mmm…most of men prefer needy and spoiled women. Well, we know that they usually do. I think that’s why we think that it is hard to find a boyfriend. While actually, for them, independent and smart women like you and me…

Me: hahahaha. Independent and smart?

She: wait! We are. Independent and smart women like us, are pretty hard to handle. Because we have this image, that we don’t need them. Not as much as those act-dumb-needy girls.

This is not a sexist writing and I am not intending to make it vaguely looks like that, but somehow I agree with my friend on “most men need a needy woman, even the smart ones”. I knew it because I saw evidences (and experienced it). Other friend said that it’s not a shocker, because sometimes it is nice to be needed; to get the feeling that somebody rely on you, ask you like you’re on the same level of intelligence with Tesla, craving for your advice like you’re one of the wisest people on earth, etc. And by being needed by needy person, it’s like exaggerating the number of how important is you for this person.

And maybe, yeah, it’s an “effective” strategy to win a man, but somehow I think, “Bollocks! I refuse to act dumb, or needy”. If I don’t know about something, or really need help, I’ll ask. But I won’t pretend if I actually can handle it by myself just to get attentions. It’s not only condescending, but also degrading every woman. Degrading men too, because that kind of attitude make them look like needy and megalomaniac creatures that measure their existence from women who whining asking for their help for every unnecessary thing.

Maybe, at the end, it’s about self-content and territory.

Page 178: Flown

I endorsed myself to fall in for you...

I love like the image I've made of you... This image i built from words you used, songs you selected, movies you watched, books you read.. In the end i just loved liked you, probably.. 

All was manufactured from dangerous process done by the factory inside my mind..

Read the original version, here

The first time I met you, you’re like 8, probably 8.5 because your taste in music, books, movies, and your perspective on things. How you hate sweet coffee, the way you give compliments on people’s works, the way you sing, etc.

But as time went by, your image started to falling apart. Especially after that night, you’re like 6.5 in my eyes. I saw things I've considered as “flaws”. Yes, you’re still smart, you’re still kind, you’re still cool, but…but…I don’t know. It’s like a pair of beautiful shoes that seems good and comfortable in my feet, but somehow I couldn't afford the price or don’t know how to maintain it, or I wouldn't be able to wear it anytime and anywhere.

Maybe it’s because I've already created this particular image of you inside my head, that silly (and dirty) imagination which make me laugh when I recall it. And this image wasn't the real you. This image and the way I subtract your number or value was unfair. I’m so sorry, dude. So yeah, I've changed my mind. You’re still an 8, for now.

- - -

Well, those butterflies had already flown away. C ya next time, little creatures! :)

Page 177: From Faith to Nationalism

Random things I've learned last week:

- Faith is everything you hold dear in your heart. It’s irrational sometimes. It’s more than just a feeling, or hunch, or meaningless warmth. As long as you are comfort with it (and harmless or nothing against the law), stick with it. And I’m not talking about religion related only, but everything. Basically. Everything.

- Sketching and doodling is really fun. The basic rule is keep sketching as you wish. As for me, I don’t like to add colors in my works. I've tried it and regretted it.

- If someone gives you compliments, spend more time to analyze good things about him/ her and give positive comments as well. Try to be sincere, or at least try to look like you are. As Sheldon Cooper says, “It is social convention” he-he. No, seriously, do this more often. It will make you feel good. Promise.

- Whether you like it or not, we still live in a superficial society. But relax, some people still can find beauty underneath the surface.

- Some people still see nationalism with such narrow perspective. Sometimes it leads them to silly stereotype about other nations, even racism. It’s sad.

- I can’t help myself but laugh my arse off when I hear a person says that she/ he believes in “love at first sight.” Oh come on! Get real!

- Ouw! Ouw! Ouw! One more thing.

That's soooo trueeeeee... :)