Page 274: Leave This City

It’s about time, I think. It’s about time to consider the idea to leave this city, this enticing but crazy city. There’s nothing left for me in this city. Well not much. Some of my favorite people have gone while others are preparing to leave. My two good friends whom I love very much also have the same idea and the image of saying goodbye to them..somehow scared me a bit. (Also, the idea of start our own farm isn't a bad idea. Not bad at all). I love my job but I still have doubt that I really can make an impact and have a real career. Guys that I met or dated were..weird. (I'm a weirdo, so if i can't stand them, there must be something wrong with them, haha). What else? Oh, the guy whom I like just threw my heart onto the pavement. Ta-daaa! *insert sad songs here :p*.

I mean, yes, my parents are here. But they will always be my parents and I will always have time when they need me to be around. I won’t miss these huge buildings, malls, skyscrapers. I won’t miss the traffic. Yes I will miss some new friends and gigs and some places, but I can always make new friends and find cool places somewhere else. There are too many memories in this city, but even the good ones are just fragments of experiences and feelings that I had.

This city won’t miss me, obviously. And some people would be glad because it means that I can contribute to make Jakarta to be less crowded.

So yeah, maybe it’s about time to make list of reasons why I should/n’t stay.
Still maybe, though.

Oh fickle heart of mine.

I lick my wounds but I can never see them getting better

Something’s gotta change

Things cannot stay the same

Page 273: Comforting You

What I really wish right now is that those medications and therapy can give you a little comfort, dear mother. Because sometimes I feel that I can’t provide that, no matter how many jokes and hugs and kisses I've given you. I hate the glint of fear I saw in your eyes yesterday when we were talking about your condition. I wish I could erase it or at least alleviate it just by snapping my fingers and a single “abracadabra”. That would be the best gift ever, right? Right.

But I know I can't. And i hate that. 

I. Hate.That.

But I know you're a fighter because you taught me how to be one.

Now it’s my turn to help you remember those lessons, I guess. 

Page 272: Numbness

And you said to yourself over and over again,
“This is not the first.
Your heart crushed before.
You knew the consequences”

But still the pain runs through your veins,
fills your lungs,
and stuck in your chest.

Where’s the numbness when you need it the most?

Page 271: Devoured

Some stupidity has the ability to refurbishing itself.

You thought you have broken the wall of that revolting labyrinth that devoured you a long time ago,
but you were wrong.

And in the morning you cursed,
you cursed the pain that slowly skulked into your heart.

That jealousy disgusts you.

"I have messed up"

Page 270: The Mirth

Sweet words and memories can be very deceiving, she thought, when she walked through the rain that night. For their existences are built on how we perceive things; on how we put so many filters in front of the fact; on how we give meaning to things that probably meaningless, based on our own expectations; on how we nurture hopes.

Specious excuses. The mirth we chose to keep.

Page 269: Current Addiction (Part 15)

Yeah, i did let you go. :)

"You can't reach me cause I'm way beyond you today"

Page 268: Current Addiction (Part 14)

'Cause for all we know

We might be dead by tomorrow