Page 316: Fascinate

This will be over.

I promise this will be over soon.

The pain, the jealousy, the cheesy imagination in my head.

It will be over soon.

You've found a new home.

I should be happy.

I should.

Still, I wish I fascinated you at some point, 

in some particular way.

Page 315: All I have left is the story*

It’s kinda funny how Interpol’s songs are the salve that I need every time I decided to heal the wound and move on.
Every time I realized that the ship has sailed.

Despite the sexual innuendos in their lyrics, Paul Banks seems to know how to represent how I feel inside when it comes to letting go. Or to comprehend how weary souls try to deal with all “bad lucks” they have.

Anyway, guess it’s the sign I need to continue chasing my dreams. No pause this time, Neng Tia. 

No pause.

I know Carlos D has left, but for me, this is interpol.

*from The Depths

Page 314: [Not] Brave Enough

She told me to gather the courage that I once had, to be brave once again.
Be brave enough to break my own heart.
I think I did. Or you did.
You didn’t mean to. But you did break it.
Rejection doesn’t always come in a form of a word “no”, right?
She encouraged me to confess to you.

And I refused. 

Because some part of me believes that you knew I’m kinda into you.
And some part of me believes that even if you feel a little bit of attraction, you wouldn’t nurture it. Why would you? You have her. And it seems simpler to be with her. And you seem happier. You adore her.
Why wouldn't you? She seems amazing. I envy her. I do.

Still,
I loved the feeling when you touched my scar.

Page 313: Once Again

And 

once again

you threw

your little 

tired heart

to a person

who refused

to catch it.

image courtesy: battery_full

Page 312: Kuala Lumpur Trip

It was an unplanned trip that turns out to be a sort of pilgrimage for me. While for her it was a closure of a love story that didn’t end as happy as she thought would be. She had an invisible wound to heal, caused by an enormous betrayal and dishonesty. And I had a mission to get a little piece of my heart back from that man, who promised me things but blew them all.

Never thought that Kuala Lumpur would be the place where both of us can learn more about letting go. To learn that what’s done cannot be undone and it’s always better to move on. She embraced the failed marriage. And I got that piece back when that guy didn’t even want to meet me although he lives in the same city, and how I didn't feel sad at all. It was pretty easy to explore KL. Unlike Jakarta where there’s no center for all public transportations, this city has KL sentral. 

A few days before the trip, I made a little research about how to go from a place to another. My main destination was Batu Caves, which was easy to reach from Grid 9, the hotel I stayed in. I also searched tips how to reach Grid 9 from the airport.

From airport, I took the Skybus to KL sentral (RM 11). From there, I took the MRT (RM 1.25 if I’m not mistaken, haha, kinda forgot the price) to Maharajalela. It’s so easy to find this hotel. As soon as you get out from the Maharajalela station, just cross the street and you’ll see the signage. Don’t forget to prepare RM 50 for deposit. Grid 9 was pretty nice. Clean, minimalistic, and they provide shampoo and soap, but not toothpaste, so you have to buy it – there’s a seven eleven and other convenience store nearby, so it’s easy to get it.

the room we stayed in

the common area

The next morning, my friend and I went to Batu Cave. We took MRT to KL Sentral and continue the journey with a train (RM 2.6 for a single trip) to Batu Caves. There’s no entrance fee for Batu Caves main temple, but you have to buy tickets to get in some temples inside the area.

Batu Caves was amazing! Ever since I was a kid, I've always been fascinated by myth, legends, folklore and stories about deities, from Greek to Chinese, but especially Hindu. Maybe because when my grandma was still alive, she used to choose Mahabharata and Ramayana as my bedtime stories. Hinduism played a big role in shaping Javanese culture and wayang, and she loved wayang so much, and I inherited the fondness. I think that’s the reason why

Page 311: On Faith and Some People

O boy, 

Some people do have that urge to create hell in this life for those who don't share the same belief as theirs because (maybe) they believe it will make it easier for them to get to heaven later. Sometimes I wonder how it feels to be them. For not accepting that faith is personal, it's something that you hold dear to your heart and that it's elusive sometimes. I just don't understand why some people just wanna create a battle field to show that they're right, that they have more power and prerogative. Those people, who refuse to learn more about what's really going on, who refuse that some people can believe what they don't and it can be harmless and discussion should be enough. If they believe that their God is almighty, shouldn't they believe that God will take care of everything?