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Page 44: The After Effects

/ Friday, February 25, 2011 /
I hate the after effects of crying…

The drowsiness.
Swollen eyes.
Nasal mucus in my nose.
And the worst, feeling like a limp and wreck human.

It doesn’t solve anything. Never. That’s why when I was a little girl, my grandma used to tell me that crying give no contribution except showing your weakness to others. Your vulnerable side. I know she told me that so I can handle my problems with logic, not with emotion. Shape me to become a tough person. And when she passed away, I’d promise myself (and her) to hold my tears as long as I could when shite happens. Since then, sentimental movies and stories often failed to make me cry. Since then, Problems come and go, but my eyes stay dry, most of the time. Since then, I bite my lower lip harder ‘till pain that appear from it, somehow avoid crying. Since then, I shield myself with insensitivity.

But there are times when all hell breaks loose. Problems collide and strike. Not just present, but also the ghosts from the past. And I cried. Like a baby. Sobbed, like a mourning widow. In front of my sensitive and soft-hearted best friend, yesterday. Well, it wasn’t the first time I cried in front of Diade Riva Nugrahani. But never been that…uproar. And she told me that it’s okay to cry. “I cry a lot, hehe” she said. She also told me about a lot of thing that put my scattered soul back to a whole. *thank you, my dear :)

Yes, yesterday I felt that drowsiness.
Yes, yesterday I had that swollen eyes.
Yes, yesterday I had that nasal mucus in my nose.
Yes, definitely yes, yesterday I felt like a limp and wreck human.
And yes, it didn’t solve my problems.
But the good thing was I also feel relieved and ready to face whatever’s coming ahead.
“I’m ready. I’m ready” *singing like Spongebob :p

Yeah, it’s okay to cry once in a while. But I think I’m gonna avoid it for, like, at least one year ahead. Because as I told you before: I hate the after effects of crying.


P.S. sorry I wasn’t aware about changes in your room, peh. It doesn’t proof that I love you less. I’m just an insensitive bastard. Yeah, u know that xp


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