Page 175: That Question

Lately, I feel like I’m at this phase when I’m questioning about choices I’ve made in my life. *tsah :p

No, seriously, I am. One of the questions is why I’m still wearing hijab. Maybe it’s because two people asked me about it. And well guess what, I don’t think I gave them a good answer. Haha. Yes, I’ve explained them about my view that hijab is like a reminder for me to not cross some boundaries. To remind me that I’m a moslem and I should’ve been done things that I did, or I shouldn’t do things that my religion forbids me to. But after that, I asked myself, is that reason good enough? Is that the real reason?

I’m aware that I’m not a (very) good moslem. God knows I’m not. I’ve done things that people might consider as sins, and I’m not proud of that. Sometimes I still am doing those things. Well it’s not really bad things like killing or stealing or anything against the law, but still, if you do these things, probably no one will consider you as a pious moslem. So why I keep wearing hijab anyway? Commitment? Habit? I don’t know.

Even the real reason I’m wearing it at first was not inspiring. No such thing called religious enlightenment. To be honest, I’m too embarrassed to write it down. Haha.

Does it mean that my faith is decreasing?
Tsk.

But as my mom used to say, “the most important thing is that you’re living life as a good person.”
Yeah, "be good". I think that's the least that I can do for now.