Page 364: On Being a Good Friend

One time I shared a story with one of my good friends, about a guy who didn’t understand why his childhood friends cut his out of their lives when they were a bunch of teenagers. The writer never knew the real reason(s). He explained his assumptions, although he didn’t label them as assumptions. What he emphasized was how he got through it by investing his disappointment and time into something positive. He didn’t try to find out why his friends abandoned him, or so I assumed based on his writing. My friend and I then talked whether we’ve done the kind of stuff, I said I’ve never done it. I guess with me, it usually happens organically, it’s about two other people growing apart and decided to take different paths. I’m not saying it’s not sad, it’s just..it happens sometimes. And maybe it’s sad because I was the one who got cut out by. Haha.

Sometimes I ask why, just to make sure whether the person pushes me out or not. Because I realized reading emotion is not where I shine. Sometimes I don’t. Because it’s obvious. As obvious as when there are only 3 people in the room and you’re the person C and the person A only asks person B what s/he wanna eat and what’s new in his/her life and ignores person C a.k.a you. Haha.

But as I get older, just like that dude, I invest my disappointment and confusion into something positive and to be more empathetic. I see a condition from a different perspective while trying to be a better friend. Even if it means to let some of my friends go.

Because right now, to me, being a good friend is more than just the amount of time you and your friend(s) spend together. What more important – and probably my #1 rule – is that you’re there when your friends need you the most (and ask for it, because it’s easier that way since we’re not Professor X): a shoulder to cry on, a drinking buddy who tries to stay sober to keep them safe, someone who lifts them up when they’re down, be happy for their achievements and happiness, someone who lends them money when you have more than enough while they’re almost broke. You don’t have to be the funniest, the most fun one, or the smartest. In short: be the tool to help them find peace. Even if it means that they want to keep the distance from you, because they think that’s the only way they can be content and happier, for whatever explanations they have. Sometimes, that’s all you can give. Sometimes, you just have to let them go to help them grow. That’s the gesture of kindness too, and it’s not wrong to put it first.