Page 365: Love Language

When it comes to human interaction, I like to have some tools that help me to understand people better. As an INTP, reading emotions is not where I shine. Especially when these emotions are not part of people I'm interested in. Haha.

For example, I asked my close friends about their MBTI personality types; my boyfriend about his, a week after I realized I liked him; I also asked my colleagues and told them that I'm an INTP and sometimes offer them useful articles that explain the absurdity of INTPs. Hah. I think to know things like this would be very useful to communicate with them. Although I know that  people with the same MBTI type can have different ways of approaching problems.

Last week I read about this article on the importance of knowing your primary love language as well as languages of other people you care about. Not just the one(s) you're having a romantic relationship with, but also close friends and family members.

I think it's interesting because when your loved one can't understand how to make you feel that you're loved although they have expressed it, maybe it's because both of you have different primary love languages.

So I took the test.
And this was my result.

I asked my S.O and a close friend to take it. And his primary language was Physical Touch, followed by Quality Time and Gifts. 

The results gave me a better understanding of him and our dynamic. For example, it took us 7 months to say the big 3 words to each other, because words of affirmation, although the score for it was quite high, it's still not my primary language. Or how happy I was to see that he had changed the broken bidet spray with the new one. So most of the time we choose to articulate love by action or quality time.

When I asked my close friend to take the test, the result gave me a deeper understanding of her. I know her really well, but reading the result gave me that "aah..so that's why.." moment. 

Anyway, what I want to emphasize is..this test is pretty helpful for friendship and or relationship. So..yeah. Take the test! It's free anyway! :D

Page 364: On Being a Good Friend

One time I shared a story with one of my good friends, about a guy who didn’t understand why his childhood friends cut his out of their lives when they were a bunch of teenagers. The writer never knew the real reason(s). He explained his assumptions, although he didn’t label them as assumptions. What he emphasized was how he got through it by investing his disappointment and time into something positive. He didn’t try to find out why his friends abandoned him, or so I assumed based on his writing. My friend and I then talked whether we’ve done the kind of stuff, I said I’ve never done it. I guess with me, it usually happens organically, it’s about two other people growing apart and decided to take different paths. I’m not saying it’s not sad, it’s just..it happens sometimes. And maybe it’s sad because I was the one who got cut out by. Haha.

Sometimes I ask why, just to make sure whether the person pushes me out or not. Because I realized reading emotion is not where I shine. Sometimes I don’t. Because it’s obvious. As obvious as when there are only 3 people in the room and you’re the person C and the person A only asks person B what s/he wanna eat and what’s new in his/her life and ignores person C a.k.a you. Haha.

But as I get older, just like that dude, I invest my disappointment and confusion into something positive and to be more empathetic. I see a condition from a different perspective while trying to be a better friend. Even if it means to let some of my friends go.

Because right now, to me, being a good friend is more than just the amount of time you and your friend(s) spend together. What more important – and probably my #1 rule – is that you’re there when your friends need you the most (and ask for it, because it’s easier that way since we’re not Professor X): a shoulder to cry on, a drinking buddy who tries to stay sober to keep them safe, someone who lifts them up when they’re down, be happy for their achievements and happiness, someone who lends them money when you have more than enough while they’re almost broke. You don’t have to be the funniest, the most fun one, or the smartest. In short: be the tool to help them find peace. Even if it means that they want to keep the distance from you, because they think that’s the only way they can be content and happier, for whatever explanations they have. Sometimes, that’s all you can give. Sometimes, you just have to let them go to help them grow. That’s the gesture of kindness too, and it’s not wrong to put it first.

Page 355: On Amazing Quirky Brutally Honest People

Look, life isn’t always nice to me, but I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by amazing quirky brutally honest people who make this life more colorful and bearable. Like this one.

She’s one of the toughest bitches I know. We met more than a decade ago. And o boy, I forgot how many times she laughed at my problems. Ha. But she has this ability to make me laugh at my problems as well. She was there when I was at my lowest. She didn’t judge me when I did stupid things. We had fights, we argued, but I know she’ll be there when I need her help or support. Vice versa.

She’ll stay with people as long as they still want her in their life. The same value I hold tightly.

She’s a drama queen who told me to be brave to break my own heart, but also the one who pulled me back to reality and be whole again when everything has been said and done.

There’s a nice..enlightenment..sorta..after I talked to her the last time. About how I felt for this person. Maybe I did fall, maybe I didn’t. Maybe I just wanted a story after not having one for so long. But the enlightenment was..it doesn’t really matter anyway right now. What’s done is done. Another lesson, another story, another series of bitter sweet fleeting moments. Life goes on and so do we. 

I’m glad I have her and other amazing quirky brutally honest friends in my life. And to you, who read this, I hope you have this kinda people in your life too. I really do. :)

Page 352: The Wonderful Thing

The most wonderful thing someone said to me recently:

"Stop being confused or embarrassed. Had feelings for someone you just met months ago isn't a sign that you're weak or desperate or melodramatic. It's a sign that you have that ability to see people through their skins. That you have that ability to appreciate the connection you make. That you have a kind soul. It's rare. It's wonderful."

Thanks, C.

Page 350: Plot Twist

Midnight convo with a buddy in the Big Durian.

-

Him: How was it?
Me: Surprising plot twist. But I handled it well.
Him: You okay?
Me: I'll live.
Him: Ha! You're amazing. Don't you ever forget that.
Me: I know. Thanks for reminding me, tho.

-

And we laughed.
Oh how I love him and my people to pieces.

Page 282: Lovely Nest, Lovely People

Her positive attitude soothes me, most of the time. She’s a dreamer, but also a doer – I love the way she uses “dream out loud” as her “tagline”. She’s a good listener – that kind of person who can make you feel comfortable to tell your problems without a fear of being judged and when she gives you an advice, it really makes sense and gives you the energy to overcome the difficult situations.

Her name is Nike. I met this lovely woman through a friend a few years ago, well, got her phone number to be exact, because I had to interview her to write an article. We met, and then started to read one another’s blog..found out that we have things in common, share the same interests, from books to music. Long story short, we became friends.

Last week, I came to her home in Bintaro, spent my Saturday with her and her adorable daughter, Kira. It was a blissful weekend for me, although we didn't have a picnic in the park like our first plan because it was raining.

(that's her and her daughter Kira, the right one was taken in Singapore, not Bintaro, haha) 

I liked the way she and her husband arranged things in their nest. Movie posters, books, artworks, furniture, etc. I wish I had better phone with better camera to show you what I meant, haha. But you can check her instagram and livingloving if you’re that curious. I think she posted pictures of her home and its decor on her instagram and that lovely website.

Sometimes, it doesn't take much to make me happy.

So how was your weekend?

photo courtesy of me except the first three, courtesy of Nike Prima Dewi

Page 278: Little Things, Little Moments

My good friend once said that the key to not lose your mind in Jakarta – this crazy city somehow has the power to drain your energy, trust me – is to appreciate the little moments, and to lower your expectation. Somehow I agreed, because those points are doable, although the second point is kinda hard if you’re an optimist or an avid dreamer.

But appreciating little moments isn't that hard. It’s a choice anyway. It’s a will. You choose your little adventure; people you want to spend time with, places to go, food to eat, jokes to share, etc. I had fun last weekend. I went to my parents’ house, spent a few hours with my nieces, took my mom to see her therapist and she looked motivated, celebrated my best friend’s birthday, eat not-so-healthy-but-damn-it’s-yummy breakfast (cold leftover birthday cake+wafer+mash 'em together=heaven!), and went to a friend's place for breakfasting with some old friends, and I chose to take pictures of pretty little things I found during the weekend that somehow make me smile every time I see them.

So how’s your weekend?

Page 244: Social Media and Friends

It’s been a while since I really read people’s tweets on my timeline. Weird. I’m a social media officer but I don’t really care about my own account. I did, a few years ago, when twitter was still a new “toy” for me. I even “abandoned” facebook for a bit because I thought twitter was simpler; a simple tool you use to share things with your friends.

Or to brag, sometimes.

It’s funny to remember how some people whom I followed used to be close with me in real life. Now some of them are just names in my timeline. Suddenly or gradually, we just stopped hanging out.

I know most of them weren’t planning it, and I’ve never had intention to do that as well. Maybe as time goes by, as each of us gets older, we realized that hang out with people you don’t really want to be with is just…waste of time. Or maybe it’s just me. I’ve never really liked to mingle and socialize with people because I have a mission to make people to know me as friendly-fun-charming person (of course it’s different when it comes to…say…get a job :D ). And it’s always organic, isn’t it? I mean, have you ever targeted a person to be your friend even before you meet that person just because your friend has been telling you good stuff about this person? I haven’t.

I grew bonds with my close friends just by accident. Like I found out that we read the same stuff, laugh at the same jokes, listen to the same music, or because of simple things…because they’re nice and genuine people.

But lately it was so easy for me to unfriend/unfollow some people because they post or tweet stuff I considered as irritating. I used to ignore or give comments, but now it seems easier for me to just unfriend them. Maybe I’m just tired and think that it’s useless anyway to try to make them realize that, “hey, misogyny is not cool”, “Victim blaming is stupid”, or “Stop saying that Hitler did those contemptible things because he got inspired by Quran unless you can show me some reliable research. Don’t ask me to believe in those photos of soldiers do things like sholat because I know a friend who can do that kinda “magic”. (Recently he posted a photo of him hung out with Metallica in his tiny apartment. Hoax, definitely.) Nevertheless, even if it’s true, I still think that Hitler was a malevolent-fascist-massive-killer. So please don’t use religion to justify horrible things he did because it’s sickening as hell”.

But maybe those people also think that my posts and tweets are stupid or I’m a deviant so they have that urge to change me to be like them. So I think it’s a right thing to do for now? To detach from them and just hope that no one gets hurt? Maybe.

My friends they come

And the lines they go by

Tonight I'm gonna rest my chemistry

Page 191: Yeah, It's Happening

"All my friends have different plans to make their lives worth while

Some for the better

Some for worse

Some have gone to different cities searching every mile

For missing pieces that will make a whole"

1995, The Radio Dept.

---

yeah, it's happening

*sigh*

Page 163: As Simple As That

Couple of days ago when I just got back from my parents’ home and entered the apartment; I called my roommate, “Neng?” And when she replied, I went straight to her room, and hugged her. I don’t know why. Yes, I haven’t seen her for a week because she went to Medan, but before that, I didn’t miss her that bad until decided to gave her a hug. And before that, I had experience being far from her more than a week, but still I didn’t hug her.

Anyway, after that, we did our “routines”: sharing about most of the things that recently happened in our life, gossiping, discussing this and that, and laughing our ass off about silly things/ people. I like several thoughts that came up from our conversation that day. I think that’s the joy of talking with smart, funny, and open minded person like her. You can always get some fresh insight for your mind and some of them make you want to share it through your blog. Although I don’t know if anyone ever really read this blog *hahaha*, I mean except my friend or people that dropped comments. But yeah, visitor counter said that actually some people came to this virtual asylum. :p

I think the most interesting part when we finally acknowledge that the way we saw our beliefs is changing *tsaaah...seddaaaap :p.* Me with the way I saw Islam, its rituals and rules, and how I connected with God. While she had already came to the point when she thinks she is no longer an agnostic, but an atheist. I can’t tell about her turning point. Mine is happen last Ramadan. I am still learning, though, on dividing which that I must hold dearly in my heart, which that actually was part of Middle East culture that people misinterpreted it as part of Islam, and which that was actually came up because the way people exaggerated things in the past. It is important because your belief should lead you to inner peace, make you a better person and treat people with respects and tolerance. It doesn’t have to be religion; you can still find inner peace although you’re an agnostic or an atheist. It is important because that is the least that you can do to find the real value, something that you really can do while you are still breathing, while you are alive.

Up until now, I still don’t understand people who persuade their friends to choose leader/politician that has the same religion, simply because they felt threatened that if they didn’t do it, it will oppress their freedom to do rituals. Believe it or not, my neighbor was practicing this method to my father. And all that my father could do was smirking. He didn’t give a damn, for sure. Hahaha. Once I wrote about this kind of blind faith, time passed by and I still don’t understand how they could be so suspicious. Why it seemed very hard for them to understand and learn more about the concept of tolerance? It’s a simple thing actually. As simple as if my roommate asks me why I haven’t took prayer while I was busy doing something. See? She doesn’t believe in god or deity yet she still reminds me about my rituals, because we know that as adults who can use their brains to think and their hearts to feel, no one can and have the right to force belief/faith to others. Yep, as simple as that.

Aweee, we’re so adorable or what? Hahaha.

And here's Losing My Religion by R.E.M. Just because i miss Mr. Stipe and the gank today ;)

Page 139: Disconnect

Well this is an invitation

It’s not a threat

If you want communication

That’s what you get

I’m talking and talking but I don’t know how to connect

And I hold the record for being patient

The Cardigans – Communication

For the sake of my mental health, maybe disconnecting with you is the best decision I have now. I should’ve done this long time ago. From now on, you’ll be on your own. You won’t receive my call, short message, or any kind of invitation for casual conversation.

And I guess you won’t miss me. I’ve never been that important for you anyway. Never been on the list of top 20 people you’d call when something good happen to you. Why bother?

You only contact me when you don’t have girlfriend or jobless. If you have them both, poof, you’re gone. Such a weird friendship that we had. The problem is on you. Yes, we had good memories, but I couldn’t recall them to keep me participate on this tiring cycle. Don’t get me wrong dude, I don’t despise you for that. Well, maybe a bit. I just think that it’s enough. I have the obligation to keep my heart safe from any pain caused by interaction with any other human being.

This isn’t whining. This is a statement, a closure.

So long old friend. Wish you won’t ever be happier than me in the future. Mwa-ha-ha *sheldon cooper's evil laugh :;

You broke your word

Now that's a lie

We had a deal that you would try

Come on inside, girl, boy, I think it's time

High time we drew the line

But then this bird just flew away

While I looked the other way

Oh to keep her his caged would just delay the spring

Oh you broke my soul

Dear you stole the plot

You left an empty shot

There's nothing left here 'cos you took the lot

An empty cage is all I've got

'Cos when your bird has flown away

She He was never meant to stay

Oh to keep her his caged would just delay the spring

To keep her his caged would just delay the spring

Travis – Cage *with some modification.

Page 123: Officially Moving Out & Live Together

It's kind of funny when some of your blabbers in the past finally came true. Here's an example of it. I've known the bride since we were still in high school. We went to the same university, different faculty, but lived in the same boarding house. Back to those days, once she said that one day, when she get married and I already have a camera, I should handle her pre-wedding pictures. We giggled at that time, because we were still so young and that dreams seemed quite far away.

It happened; I got my own camera few years ago. And she told me she was going to be a bride, few months ago.

Long story short, after brainstorming about the concept "Officially Moving Out & Live Together", we took the pictures at some field in Soekarno Hatta airport. *yep, it's not Puncak, people! Hehe. Thanks to Veve who had shared about this site*. At night, we went to Kedai to take the pictures for "dating" theme. It's a tiring yet fun day. I love taking pictures of couple who fall for each other.

Here are some of those pictures I've taken that day.

Congrats, Deriz Rieskanoerbachra.

Hopefully love and happiness stays around both of you, 

for happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Take care :)

Page 116: Happines Trigger #9 - 10

#9
watching the sun goes down in my office after working

#10
knowing that a good friend dealing with her broken heart. it's good to know when your words can make someone feel better, eh?

Page 109: No Longer Part of The Effort

“Only in death will we have our own names since only in death are we no longer part of the effort. 

In death we become heroes.”

- Chuck Palahniuk -

Rest in peace, dear Rael Octoviyan Paat.

(October 24, 1985 - November 20, 2011)

Page 97: Sometimes... (Part 9)

Sometimes, 

in some circumstances, you need to reshuffle friendship...

Who's in, who's out.

And everything in between

...for the sake of your mental health

image courtesy: baihaqi