Once, this sentence written on
Jezebel, “more than 50 years after the women’s movement began, we’re still trying to silence women with dicks.” True. Although “weapons” used by misogynist could be different on each country/ area, the core strategy is still the same: use sex to beat women down. Besides rape, (and sexual assault, oppression, stupid law and regulation, etc), victim blaming is also one of the weapons to shut women’s minds and mouths.
Couple of days ago, after I had Eid Prayer at a mosque near my home and get ready to leave, an old lady in my neighborhood asked me why she rarely saw me during tarawih time this Ramadan, even on weekend. I simply answered I had tarawih at other places, because I want to get new experience. I wasn’t lying, I’d had tarawih at other places, I just didn’t tell her the details, that the mosque where we used to have tarawih at, disappointed me last year for invited preachers that spread this vague hatred towards other beliefs and women. I remember a preacher told this story about women that wearing short skirt or tight shirt can’t blame men entirely if they assault them sexually, because that kind of outfit is another way to seduce men without saying a word. Great! What a fallacy! That impolite cave man encouraged people to do victim blaming.
That was WTF moment. And that preacher is an a-hole.
I know how it feels to be blame when actually I was the victim. Years ago, a stranger groped my breast on a bus, and when I told my cousin about it, the first thing that came out from her mouth was, “what were you wearing that night? Maybe it was too tight so that man took the wrong signal.”
Another WTF moment.
I was angry that time. And I told her that there’s nothing wrong with what I wore (oversized shirt and jeans, and I was much skinnier back then, how seductive that could be?) but there’s definitely something wrong with that man’s brain and her head.
My points:
1. If a woman wearing tight dress or even bikini, doesn’t mean you can lay your hands on her just like that. My body is my temple, there’s list of rules and you have to respect it.
2. Quoting this
person: Rape is caused by rapist, misogyny, structural violence, institutional tolerance. Not by women's clothes, the way she walks, the way she crosses her legs, the makeup she wears, being in the "wrong" place, drinking, or not being "careful enough".
Anyway, happy Eid Mubarak for all Moslem in the world. Happy holidays (if you had any) for the rest. This year Eid wasn’t that different from previous years, at least for me. Still busy help my mom preparing food for more than fifty people. Still help my dad rearrange furniture (but this year, including held the refrigerator for 15 seconds or more so it wouldn’t tumble down while my dad was fixing a wheel on its supporting board. After that, I can’t feel my arms and spine for a while :p ) so all family members could fit into our home. Still can’t eat anything with santan in it for a week (never really like santan, tho). Still munching kastengel continuously like there’s no tomorrow. Still make a cup of black coffee at night as a reward for myself on facing a super hectic day.
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| a cup of black coffee and a new book, a little piece of heaven :) |
I know this post has such a messy structure, but I’m stick with JK Rowling that, “For my own mental health, I need to write.”
