Page 300: Anger

“You sound like an angry feminist,” he said, after we talked about how society is still more lenient on men when it comes to expressing sexuality and showing the rights to our bodies.

About rape and victim blaming.
About street harassment.
About being pro-choice.
About slut and prude shaming.
About how sometimes we lie about having boyfriend because some men don’t understand “no, I’m not interested in you. Period” when they ask us to go out on a date. Seriously, are we some kinda things that should have owners and when we’re single it means that we’re available?

“Maybe I am. I have the right to be angry. I just wish that someday my anger would contribute to change things I’m frustrated with,” I said.

image courtesy: http://www.terre-des-femmes.ch/en/

Page 275: Another Note About Rape and Victim Blaming

It was my first visit to that building when law should punish the guilty ones and defend those who have been wronged. It was my first attempt to attend a court, to support a person I’ve never met but breaks my heart with her story. She’s a gang rape victim (read the full story here). And just like any victims, she wants justice. Although it doesn’t take a genius to see that justice can’t cure the wounds that they felt because of the rape. The pains linger; in their bodies, their mind, and their souls.

I don’t know about other countries (still doing some research), but in my country, Indonesia, the system is just..bad. Not only that we still use old law with maximum of (only) seven years' criminal imprisonment for perpetrators (if you ask me, I think we should consider to cut their dicks off), but the process to bring the case to the court is long and exhausting and torturing the victim.

I can’t imagine how it feels to be in the same room with people; who have violated your rights, who tainted your body – your sacred place, who ruined your future and dreams, who will be the master of your nightmare. I can’t imagine how it feels to see a place where all bad memories and pains collide when someone forced you and used your body to please the evil urge inside their filthy minds.

And victim blaming! Ah! That fucking monster that still punishes all victims and survivor who have broken already! I wrote about victim blaming two years ago. It’s obnoxious how society could prolong a stupid culture like that. Blame the outfit, blame the situation, blame the victim, but never the system, and just ignore the importance of educate people to punish the perpetrators.

Gah! Wish I could do something other than writing this.
I’m sad. And jaded.

image courtesy: http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/10/26/as-victim-and-survivor-rape-i-am-appalled-and-disgusted/

Page 161: Victim Blaming, Preaching, and Eid Mubarak.

Once, this sentence written on Jezebel, “more than 50 years after the women’s movement began, we’re still trying to silence women with dicks.” True. Although “weapons” used by misogynist could be different on each country/ area, the core strategy is still the same: use sex to beat women down. Besides rape, (and sexual assault, oppression, stupid law and regulation, etc), victim blaming is also one of the weapons to shut women’s minds and mouths.

Couple of days ago, after I had Eid Prayer at a mosque near my home and get ready to leave, an old lady in my neighborhood asked me why she rarely saw me during tarawih time this Ramadan, even on weekend. I simply answered I had tarawih at other places, because I want to get new experience. I wasn’t lying, I’d had tarawih at other places, I just didn’t tell her the details, that the mosque where we used to have tarawih at, disappointed me last year for invited preachers that spread this vague hatred towards other beliefs and women. I remember a preacher told this story about women that wearing short skirt or tight shirt can’t blame men entirely if they assault them sexually, because that kind of outfit is another way to seduce men without saying a word. Great! What a fallacy! That impolite cave man encouraged people to do victim blaming.

That was WTF moment. And that preacher is an a-hole.

I know how it feels to be blame when actually I was the victim. Years ago, a stranger groped my breast on a bus, and when I told my cousin about it, the first thing that came out from her mouth was, “what were you wearing that night? Maybe it was too tight so that man took the wrong signal.”

Another WTF moment.

I was angry that time. And I told her that there’s nothing wrong with what I wore (oversized shirt and jeans, and I was much skinnier back then, how seductive that could be?) but there’s definitely something wrong with that man’s brain and her head.

My points:
1. If a woman wearing tight dress or even bikini, doesn’t mean you can lay your hands on her just like that. My body is my temple, there’s list of rules and you have to respect it.
2. Quoting this person: Rape is caused by rapist, misogyny, structural violence, institutional tolerance. Not by women's clothes, the way she walks, the way she crosses her legs, the makeup she wears, being in the "wrong" place, drinking, or not being "careful enough".

Anyway, happy Eid Mubarak for all Moslem in the world. Happy holidays (if you had any) for the rest. This year Eid wasn’t that different from previous years, at least for me. Still busy help my mom preparing food for more than fifty people. Still help my dad rearrange furniture (but this year, including held the refrigerator for 15 seconds or more so it wouldn’t tumble down while my dad was fixing a wheel on its supporting board. After that, I can’t feel my arms and spine for a while :p ) so all family members could fit into our home. Still can’t eat anything with santan in it for a week (never really like santan, tho). Still munching kastengel continuously like there’s no tomorrow. Still make a cup of black coffee at night as a reward for myself on facing a super hectic day.

a cup of black coffee and a new book, a little piece of heaven :) 

I know this post has such a messy structure, but I’m stick with JK Rowling that, “For my own mental health, I need to write.”