Breathe, keep breathing. Don't lose your nerve" -

Page 264: Jane Alexander

/ Monday, February 17, 2014 /

I'm in love with her works, especially "The Butcher Boys", plaster sculptures of three life-size humanoid beasts with powdery skin, black eyes, broken horns, and no mouths sitting on a bench. The artwork represents the brutal dehumanizing forces of Apartheid in South Africa. The animal parts show how people stripped themselves of their humanity and put themselves above others, thinking they were better. 

Always love artworks that inspired by social issues :)

The Butcher Boys. Image courtesy: studyblue
Street Cadets. Image courtesy: artthrob
Image courtesy:  Cathy Gendron
Surveys. Image courtesy: Adam Kuehl
African Adventure. Image courtesy: Artslant

Page 263: Covet

/ Monday, February 3, 2014 /
Some part of me told me that it’s the right decision to leave that place, to find a better opportunity. To chase my dream, follow my passion, and maybe have a life that I really want to live. The other part told me that I was too stubborn and proud to even consider staying there for a while. And this waywardness will lead me to a road where thorny plants will cut and scratch my skin each time I go farther, eventually.

image courtesy: @travel_pancakes - instagram

My insecurity has never hit me this hard.

I wish I’m unperturbed. I wish I don’t have to covet this and that.

The times she cried,
Too frail to wake this time.

Page 262: Outshine

/ Friday, January 17, 2014 /
“We lived on farms, then we lived in cities, and now we’re going to live on the internet!”
 – Justin Timberlake as Sean Parker, “The Social Network” 

Post photos. Write a status. Check in. Share a link.
Share stories. Share? No, sell. Sell stories then buy attention.

Attention. People want that, sometimes they're craving it. Through this whimsical invention called social media that support and enliven the big parade of narcissism. I’m using it (even pay my bill because I utilize it on daily basis for work), thus I’m part of that big swirl. With the need to express yourself [that you have voice, that you’re alive, that you have A LIFE] as the pivot.

And some people can be overly sensitive because of it. And some people can get addicted to it. And some people can prioritize it more than the warmth they can get from talk to each other, to smile and laugh instead of choosing emoticons.

That’s the dark side. It still has a bright side as well. I just hope that the dark side won’t outshine the bright one. 

Page 261: Ruin

/ /
"the trouble is that you're in love with someone else" - interpol, c'mere

Solitude has never been a monster for me. Well, not all the time. It’s nice, some kind of companionship that I need sometimes, to find peace when nobody is around. But you(r image) ruined it. I've let you ruined it. I shouldn't have allowed you to be that ghost that flickering behind my eyelids when I sleep*.


*phrase originally came from jktxnyc

Page 260: Oh Hello 29!

/ Sunday, January 12, 2014 /
Last year, I decided that I have to go somewhere outside Jakarta every year on my birthday. To remind myself that the traffic and shitty parts of this city haven’t made me immune to that thought that I have to make my life more interesting with traveling.

It’s kinda hard actually, because in January, especially in this island where I live, Java, monsoon occurs from September to February. If only I had that power to turn every single hair on my armpits into diamond, I could easily go to anywhere I want. But of course, I can’t, and because of the budget, I have to plan my trip wisely.

So last year I went to Bromo and this year I went to Kawah Putih, Bandung. I was planning to go to Mount Prau, Dieng actually. But with the rain and wind, I changed my destination to Kawah Putih, Bandung. And I didn’t regret it. Not at all. It’s safer and I still had beautiful scenery right in front of my eyes.

I went with cool people who also took a trip with me to Vietnam and Cambodia. Have you ever had that feeling when you finally found your travel buddies? Those people you can travel with because you know you won’t have that urge to kill them immediately on the first week exploring new places with them? That’s how I feel about them. I heart their idiosyncrasies and quirkiness. I had fun.

And when I got back, my most favorite foreigners in Jakarta gave me surprise with music performance, gift, and scrumptious Japanese food. Happy belly! Thanks buddies!

Turns out, being 29 isn't that bad. So far so good. Although I still have lotsa questions in my head, inexplicable feelings about life and erratic dreams with no map that could show me the fast-right-safe path to reach them. Not to mention bombarded with silly questions about decisions I made for my life from people who (maybe) just want me to see them as good role models.

I can’t tell whether I’ve surrendered and just embrace whatever comes or not. Not for everything, just for some parts. I’ve learned to sincerely let go of good people who have carved good memories in my brain and heart (because some of them will be in other countries this year and yes I know I can just utilize technology to keep in touch with them, but for me it won’t be same). I’ve learned that I still have trust issues when it comes to friendship and relationship (because although you have treated people nicely, some people just wouldn’t have that consideration that you’re important for them), but I still think that if I treat people nicely while keeping my expectation low will guard me from being hurt.

No. I can’t tell whether I’ve surrendered and just embrace it.
But I can tell that I’m wiser and calmer.
I think.

Thank you 2013. Thank you 28. Thank you good people. Thank you God. J

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,

I hope you had the time of your life.

Green Day - Good Riddance
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