Breathe, keep breathing. Don't lose your nerve" -

Page 295: Grow

/ Sunday, May 24, 2015 /
Once Heraclitus said, “The only thing that is constant is change.”

As you grow older, you will discover that it's true. That you will change. Your parents, family and closest friends they will or have changed, and will keep changing – deliberately or not, slightly or boldly. The way they perceive things, the way they see life, the way they do things that they think work best for them, and reasons why they did and chose things.

You might not like it. But it’s inevitable.

And it’s important to understand that you and them are fallible.
It’s important to understand that they might have decided to choose paths that are different from yours.
It’s important to try to understand that they have their own considerations and have thought about the consequences.
It’s important to understand that it’s okay as long as they don’t hurt themselves or join terrorists group.
It’s important to understand that things that make you happy might not work for them, or even entice them.
It’s important to understand that perhaps life has given them unimaginable challenges and pressures that made them throw everything they used to have faith in.

Sometimes all you have to do is be with them, share comforting stories as well as a laugh or two – embrace the moment. 
It’s hard not to judge, but it’s not that difficult to hold the judgment inside.

Sometimes, all you have to do is try to understand that when people grow, they grow apart.

Page 294: Sometimes (Part 29)

/ Sunday, April 12, 2015 /
Sometimes, for her,
a beautiful day means hearing rain keeps pouring down outside when she curls up in bed.
In her imagination, she got this knife to cut out the memories.

For her, even some good memories can be deceitful and poisonous.
Even memory has an expiry date.

image courtesy: helen cherry

Page 293: Birdman

/ Tuesday, March 24, 2015 /
Have you seen Birdman: Or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)? If you haven't, go watch it. It's brilliant. One of the best black comedy-drama films i've ever seen.

One of my favorite scenes from the film was when Riggan (played by Michael Keaton) confronts Tabitha (played by Lindsay Duncan). It's a satire on critics and celebrity status.

Riggan: You write a couple of paragraphs and you know what? None of this cost you fuckin' anything! The Fuck! You risk nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! I'm a fucking actor! This play cost me everything... So I tell you what, you take this fucked malicious cowardly shitty written review and you shove that right the fuck up your wrinkly tight ass.

Tabitha: You're no actor, you're a celebrity. Let's be clear on that. I'm gonna kill your play.

Another favorite scene..when Mike (Edward Norton) told Sam (Emma Stone)..this:

Page 292: Traverse

/ /
She’s been trying to silence the vociferous thoughts inside her head lately – her usual vociferous thoughts. She also has been training herself to eradicate the feeling that crawls in every time she remembers that one fine afternoon. She should’ve let that mixture of weary and delight go when he left. She used to have that ability to remove some feelings by being logical. It protects her from getting hurt. She summoned it a few times lately. She needs it now so she could traverse through time.

Thrill of mortal fright.

All we have is time, but my heart is going numb
And nobody likes to wait

Page 291: Birthday Trip to Gili

/ /
Bleeding knee and head full of wishes. It was midnight in Gili. 10 minutes before I accidentally hit a guy -- I blame it on that stupid bike, besides of course, my stupidity too. I turned 30 and I sat on the beach. In front of me were the dark water and the dark sky.

“Now what? What’s next?” said the voices inside my head. I didn't answer it, but I promised that I would keep chasing things that I think will make me a happier person. And to keep this tradition, too: having a birthday trip ever year, to remind myself that life is a journey, and as long as I’m breathing, I will do what I love and do things that make me feel alive.

This year, I decided to go to Gili. 4 days 3 nights. I took a fast boat from Bali (IDR350,000) and stayed at Denaya Lodge (500,000/ day).

Gili was amazing. I snorkeled (IDR100,000 a day), I rode bike (IDR70,000/ day), I saw a big turtle in the sea, I giggled uncontrollably when I saw crabs on the beach (no, i didn't consume the magic mushroom. I just thought that it's hilarious) and I had tons of fun with two amazing people. My life isn't perfect but I thank God for everything that I have and everyone in my life. Getting older doesn't mean that you have to let go of things that make you happy just because some people told you to do so. As long as it doesn't against the law, do it. Seriously, I think you should just do it. Do things that make you happy, learn things that can make you a wiser person, and be kind. People will say whatever they wanna say anyway so just live your life, because it's yours. Embrace, explore, enjoy. And again, thank you, everyone, for the birthday wishes and gifts. 

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