Breathe, keep breathing. Don't lose your nerve" -

Page 293: Birdman

/ Tuesday, March 24, 2015 /
Have you seen Birdman: Or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)? If you haven't, go watch it. It's brilliant. One of the best black comedy-drama films i've ever seen.

One of my favorite scenes from the film was when Riggan (played by Michael Keaton) confronts Tabitha (played by Lindsay Duncan). It's a satire on critics and celebrity status.

Riggan: You write a couple of paragraphs and you know what? None of this cost you fuckin' anything! The Fuck! You risk nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! I'm a fucking actor! This play cost me everything... So I tell you what, you take this fucked malicious cowardly shitty written review and you shove that right the fuck up your wrinkly tight ass.

Tabitha: You're no actor, you're a celebrity. Let's be clear on that. I'm gonna kill your play.

Another favorite scene..when Mike (Edward Norton) told Sam (Emma Stone)..this:

Page 292: Traverse

/ /
She’s been trying to silence the vociferous thoughts inside her head lately – her usual vociferous thoughts. She also has been training herself to eradicate the feeling that crawls in every time she remembers that one fine afternoon. She should’ve let that mixture of weary and delight go when he left. She used to have that ability to remove some feelings by being logical. It protects her from getting hurt. She summoned it a few times lately. She needs it now so she could traverse through time.

Thrill of mortal fright.

All we have is time, but my heart is going numb
And nobody likes to wait

Page 291: Birthday Trip to Gili

/ /
Bleeding knee and head full of wishes. It was midnight in Gili. 10 minutes before I accidentally hit a guy -- I blame it on that stupid bike, besides of course, my stupidity too. I turned 30 and I sat on the beach. In front of me were the dark water and the dark sky.

“Now what? What’s next?” said the voices inside my head. I didn't answer it, but I promised that I would keep chasing things that I think will make me a happier person. And to keep this tradition, too: having a birthday trip ever year, to remind myself that life is a journey, and as long as I’m breathing, I will do what I love and do things that make me feel alive.

This year, I decided to go to Gili. 4 days 3 nights. I took a fast boat from Bali (IDR350,000) and stayed at Denaya Lodge (500,000/ day).

Gili was amazing. I snorkeled (IDR100,000 a day), I rode bike (IDR70,000/ day), I saw a big turtle in the sea, I giggled uncontrollably when I saw crabs on the beach (no, i didn't consume the magic mushroom. I just thought that it's hilarious) and I had tons of fun with two amazing people. My life isn't perfect but I thank God for everything that I have and everyone in my life. Getting older doesn't mean that you have to let go of things that make you happy just because some people told you to do so. As long as it doesn't against the law, do it. Seriously, I think you should just do it. Do things that make you happy, learn things that can make you a wiser person, and be kind. People will say whatever they wanna say anyway so just live your life, because it's yours. Embrace, explore, enjoy. And again, thank you, everyone, for the birthday wishes and gifts. 

Page 290: Little.Tender.Morsels

/ Sunday, February 1, 2015 /

Expecting is the worst part.

It’s a hybrid of waiting and wanting. Where your imagination pretends as if it’s an oracle. Where time is – and will always be – the divine entity that can turn you into fragments of thing that ponders and wonders.

Page 289: Rolling in the Muck is Not the Best Way of Getting Clean

/ Tuesday, October 21, 2014 /
In the room filled with things labeled as memento, it’s impossible not to remember moments. It’s inevitable not to reviewing what you've been through to be in the place you’re at right now. No matter how distorted memories can be – because feelings sometimes unwind the facts and turn it into something that are more edible for your heart – you can still get the glimpse of what have happened.

And it affects you, sometimes, in the oddest way that you could imagine. Although you have moved on, memories of strong emotion like sadness or guilt – especially guilt, sometimes revolt. When you've made mistakes, there are certain things that can’t be fixed and somehow, you’re responsible – although not fully – for things you achieved. But what else can you do except trying to grab the lesson for your own goodness?

As Aldous Huxley wrote in the prelude of Brave New Word,
Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.

No, it’s not.
Note to self: it's not.

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