Page 365: Love Language

When it comes to human interaction, I like to have some tools that help me to understand people better. As an INTP, reading emotions is not where I shine. Especially when these emotions are not part of people I'm interested in. Haha.

For example, I asked my close friends about their MBTI personality types; my boyfriend about his, a week after I realized I liked him; I also asked my colleagues and told them that I'm an INTP and sometimes offer them useful articles that explain the absurdity of INTPs. Hah. I think to know things like this would be very useful to communicate with them. Although I know that  people with the same MBTI type can have different ways of approaching problems.

Last week I read about this article on the importance of knowing your primary love language as well as languages of other people you care about. Not just the one(s) you're having a romantic relationship with, but also close friends and family members.

I think it's interesting because when your loved one can't understand how to make you feel that you're loved although they have expressed it, maybe it's because both of you have different primary love languages.

So I took the test.
And this was my result.

I asked my S.O and a close friend to take it. And his primary language was Physical Touch, followed by Quality Time and Gifts. 

The results gave me a better understanding of him and our dynamic. For example, it took us 7 months to say the big 3 words to each other, because words of affirmation, although the score for it was quite high, it's still not my primary language. Or how happy I was to see that he had changed the broken bidet spray with the new one. So most of the time we choose to articulate love by action or quality time.

When I asked my close friend to take the test, the result gave me a deeper understanding of her. I know her really well, but reading the result gave me that "aah..so that's why.." moment. 

Anyway, what I want to emphasize is..this test is pretty helpful for friendship and or relationship. So..yeah. Take the test! It's free anyway! :D

Page 356: The Reason Why

And that morning, you held her tight, kept telling her that it’s okay. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. She sobbed, she peed herself. Her diaper was drenched. She said she couldn’t hold it and it’s just happened when she was still asleep. “I know. I know. It’s okay, it’s okay. I’ll clean it. Let’s take a shower and change your diaper,” you said.

And as you watched her eating her breakfast, you realized that she has changed. Some part of you knew before that, but other part refused to believe that she has changed that much. That morning, it was the first morning you accepted the fact that the strong independent woman who raised you has been stressed out for years because of her illness and it has changed her. That woman who used to be so frikkin excellent at math, who was like a walking calculator has lost her ability to count that fast. That the woman who used to have remarkable memory, has changed into someone who forgot names and details.

You remembered the fights you had with her when you’re a teenager. You’ve always been the rebellious one, the one who broke her rules. You used to argue a lot with her, and now, she looks like she has no will to share stories and her thoughts. You missed arguing with her. You missed talking about books you just read. You know that although you and her had so many different ways of seeing things, she was the one who introduced you to the joy of reading books.

And you went to the other room because you didn’t want her to see your tears. Because you remembered that once, when everything was still alright, she said that although you’re one of the toughest “enemies” she's ever had, you’re also the evidence that she has raised a tough woman who can take care of herself and can stand up for what she believes in.

You wiped the tears from your cheeks and left the room. You looked cheerful when you told her about your dream last night, the ritual you two always enjoy. And she analyzed it using her knowledge she got from Primbon. And you two laughed. You looked cheerful. You tried. Although you can tell from her face that she knew you just cried. But you tried to look cheerful anyway. Because you wanted her to see that you are tough, and she made you that way. She’s the reason why. The reason why.

Page 183: Current Addiction (part 11)

Only Love Can Break Your Heart

(The S.I.G.I.T covers Neil Young's)

When you were young and on your own

How did it feel to be alone

I was always thinking of games that I was playing

Trying to make the best of my time

But only love can break your heart

What if your world should fall apart

Yes only love can break your heart

Try to be sure right from the start

I have a friend I’ve never seen

He hide his head behind a screen

Someone should call him and see if he can come out

Try to loose the down that he’s found

Yes only love can break your heart

Try to be sure right from the start

Yes only love can break your heart

What if your world should fall apart

I have a friend i’ve never seen

He hide his head behind a screen

Yes only love can break your heart

I’m in love with this song. 

No, my heart is okay. Although since it broke the last time because of my stupidity, I don’t think I've already found all the missing parts, but I can guarantee that my heart is okay. 

Oh, I really wish I could play guitar.

Page 169: Stupid Condescension

After all these years, I hate the way you can always find a way to hurt me and make me questioning the qualities in me. How you can slowly convinced me that I had an elusive wall that made you thought that I’m that kind of person which hard to be with; fun and attractive at first but going deeper, I’m just a weirdo. I’m too weird for you. Yes, I still remember you called me that. That’s why you said that I should find another man with the same ‘quality’ and it’s definitely not in you. “You’re smart, but too weird”. Was it a compliment or a mock? Until now, I could not decide.

Is that why you chose her instead of me, the one whom you called ‘liar’ and ‘drama queen’ when you ran to me those nights? You've told me you would never want her back, but a friend just told me that you’re dating her again. This is confusing. Am I that difficult? Am I really one level under her?

No, man, I don’t want you anymore. I’m quite sure of that. And I know, yes I know that this is not a race, but maybe, I just hate the fact that you already have somebody while I have none. I hate the fact that your reason of why you didn't want me appeared, stuck in my brain and affected my self-esteem.

I know Nietzche said, “what doesn't kill you makes you stronger”, but still…gosh, I hate this stupid condescension. I know this is stupid. This is rubbish. Anyone who read this would probably says, “poor you, stupid self-pitying beyotch”. But you know what, one of my favorite musician said that “something will never wash away”. Maybe it’s true. Damn!

man, what a mustache 

Page 168: That Last Scene

That last scene.
That very last scene.
When they took a shower together.
You can really see that a thing called passion, gone.
Probably also that creature called love...

Like Crazy is not a movie with memorable quote or dramatic scenes. It's just a simple story about a couple that struggling with their problems on facing long distant relationship. Not really my cup of tea coffee. But you can see their chemistry and emotions. Good job Jones and Yelchin!

Page 154: Hey ladies

...if a guy sings this song for you, don’t you just want to kiss him right away? 

I love you in the morning,

When you're still hung-over

I love you in the morning,

When you're still strung out,

I love you in the morning,

With you I am calm

A pearl in your oyster

Head on my chest and a silent smile, a private kind of happiness

You see giant proclamations are all very well

But our love is louder than words

Because I would. 

:)

Page 134: Someone

“Walking around thinking the same again
To get to you I’ll go down on my knees
Last night I swear it wouldn’t be the same
Last night I swear it never was the same.
Two is for a while but the one has got to leave
That’s it! I ain’t lying and I won’t ask you please
I’ll tell you what I have in mind”

Case #1
She loved him. He cheated on her. She hit his head with helmet while he was dating the other women. They broke up. She found another man, and her ex hooked up with another woman (not the woman whom he had affair with). She married that man, who was her friend in junior high school. He married that another woman. Although he had hurt her a lot in the past with his infidelity, sometimes, on some conversation she still mentioned how she loved him so much. How nice he was when he’s still her boyfriend.

Case #2
A man broke up with his girlfriend. The reason: different beliefs. They had to ended six years romance. They both get married with different people. But that man said he’d been avoiding his ex because he’s afraid that the chemistry is still exists.

Case #3
She’s going to be somebody’s wife, months from now. She loves this soon going to be  her husband. But once she said that she still has “a thing” for her ex. The one who broke her heart with dishonesty; the one whom she found was cheating with her good friend.

Case #4
A single woman who loved her buddy from high school years ago, sometimes still avoiding eye contact with that guy because she’s afraid that the feeling is still buried somewhere inside her chest; it’s not dead yet, just hibernating and could wake up if a big wave come, while she knew it already that he’s never felt the same. But at least that woman knew she was not the only one who’d been in this kind of shitty situation. So she wrote and posted it on her digital stickybunbook as a petite reminder to keep rolling and shouldn’t look back.

I guess for some people, there will always be that “someone”, a person from your past who can make you wish you never met and fell for, because it hurts to know that you can’t be with that person.

“Let go
It’s so hard to fill me in
You’d better run as fast as you can
When your eyes are getting low
Tomorrow’ll say if you’re lost and found”

- phoenix -

Page 123: Officially Moving Out & Live Together

It's kind of funny when some of your blabbers in the past finally came true. Here's an example of it. I've known the bride since we were still in high school. We went to the same university, different faculty, but lived in the same boarding house. Back to those days, once she said that one day, when she get married and I already have a camera, I should handle her pre-wedding pictures. We giggled at that time, because we were still so young and that dreams seemed quite far away.

It happened; I got my own camera few years ago. And she told me she was going to be a bride, few months ago.

Long story short, after brainstorming about the concept "Officially Moving Out & Live Together", we took the pictures at some field in Soekarno Hatta airport. *yep, it's not Puncak, people! Hehe. Thanks to Veve who had shared about this site*. At night, we went to Kedai to take the pictures for "dating" theme. It's a tiring yet fun day. I love taking pictures of couple who fall for each other.

Here are some of those pictures I've taken that day.

Congrats, Deriz Rieskanoerbachra.

Hopefully love and happiness stays around both of you, 

for happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Take care :)

Page 121: 05012012 & 27

a birthday card for myself :)

just realized that 05012012 is a cute numbers, eh? :p

Page 90: “Can’t”, Or Just “Don’t Want To”

This morning, a good friend of mine, Veve, a very nice and artsy woman, gave me link about letting go and acceptance. That writing enlightens her, about her ex that caused her heart breaks and makes her hard to move on.

It makes me think about men in my past: those who broke my heart. But wait, were that their responsibilities? Is it wise to blame them for that? The answer is no. They might take part in it, but I also have role. I also let my heart wounded and refused to heal it; even I knew that I’m the one who can fix it.

A best friend once wrote about a guy whom she fell in love with, “I loved the image of you that I’ve invented, I probably never fell for the real you, so it should’ve been easy to let go”

It should’ve been easy… But,

The thing is, maybe we don’t want to stop waiting and hoping because we don’t want to believe that it’s over. We deny that this long and tiring journey must end…just-like-that. We can see the finish line, actually. It’s lying there, and we’re so close. And we know it isn’t him or her that waiting for us on the line. Probably even no one there. And we should take a rest before starting a new journey. But we resist to cross the line because we refuse to believe the bitter reality that bites, chew, and eventually spitting us out. We can move on, we just don't want to. And we wait, for a quite long time. And then long enough. Until we get used to it and it becomes too long and devastating, but we didn't realize it. Sometimes we go back to the route we’ve passed, because it’s so beautiful and comforting; sweet memories that drowned us. But for what? A smile? Yes, indeed.

After that, you still have to continue the journey…

For one simple reason:
you can’t make time freeze.

 “We can’t stay here

We’re starting to feel the same

We can’t stay here

We can’t stand this way”

The National – Guest Room

Page 84: A Picture Tell Advices

life is short: absolutely agree

life is simple: wait. wait. hmmm... not really ahahaha

_________

accidentally found this interesting picture here

Page 81: Ouch...

Jay:

You know what they say. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Kay:

Try it

***

Me:

ouch...

:p

Page 80: Just A Repost (part 2)

 is there nothing we can do?

 by shint

“oh, now there’s only one kind of love that lasts. that’s unrequited love. it stays with you forever.”
- woody allen -

they said only change that was permanent and feeling, it could expire but i guess few things remain, like you.. you still provide enough reasons for tears to fall down and smiles to spread across my face.. for an unexplainable weigh on my chest and sudden giggle of relieve after.. for the growing bubble of affection and excitement.. but never had they run in balance with each other..

***

well, i guess, yeah... there's still a lot of things that reminds me of you, my dear nothing... 

including those beautiful words above... shite... :)