Page 345: Aurora

I'm not an expert on music. Sometimes it baffles me when someone says that I have a good taste in music. I know it's a compliment, and I'm flattered, but still, I can't quite understand the formula of good and bad when it comes to music. All I know that I like and dislike. Yes, I used to be that teenager and 20 something who thinks that what people think of the list of musicians I like, matters. I used to google what Rolling Stone or Pitchfork wrote about them. But now, not so much. It's more about how the songs make me feel. And lyrics is important to me.

When I listened Nature Boy (yes, a cover version of that famous song by Nat King Cole) by Aurora for the first time, I fell in love with her voice instantly. And then, the obsession began. And then I found out that she can sing, she can write, and oh she can dance. And when she performs, she kinda reminds me of my quirky queen, Bjork. In short, I find her magical.

And her songs calm my nerves lately. Especially Runaway and Murder Song (accoustic version).
I painted this Winter Bird yesterday. And during the process I realized that it also brought me the same piece of serenity, surprisingly.

Speaking of music, if you're interested in traditional music in Indonesia, or interested in culture, you should check Aural Archipelago. I know this project from a friend, and although I'm not a traditional music aficionado, I find it interesting and as a person who can't just leave Jakarta whenever I want to, I enjoy that sense of traveling vicariously through the project owner, Palmer Keen's writings and recordings. What I like most is that he doesn't just write about some music from some particular areas in Indonesia and how they sound, but he also tells about the people and the culture, that enriches his posts. The website doesn't have Indonesian version for each post, hopefully soon (fingers crossed), and hopefully the current situation doesn't make the website less enjoyable and can inspire more people to do similar projects, or at least, triggers interesting conversation about music and culture.

Cheers!

image courtesy: aural archipelago

Page 344: You Learn by Borges

I rearranged things on my laptop this morning. Rearranging stuff makes me feel better sometimes, when I feel kind of overwhelmed. And then I found this poem by Jorge Luis Borges. My friend sent me this when i was really down last year. It's really beautiful so I hope it will help anyone who accidentally visits my blog who's facing some similar problem. Especially women who are still struggling with self-worth issues. You're not alone, and it can hit anyone. No matter how attractive, smart, kind, funny you are, once in a while, you can have it. When you can't win someone's heart, or your significant other treats you badly, or when you decided to end an unhealthy relationship, you can have it. I hope this poem can help you fight the monster within. It did help me once. 

After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning

And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts

And presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes open

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn…

That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth…

And you learn and learn…

With every good-bye you learn.

Page 343: Current Addiction (Part 20)

I like a song about love that doesn't have the word love in it but it's still powerful. 7 Hari Menuju Semesta by Melancholic Bitch is that kinda song. I heard their songs the first time yeaarssss ago. Since then, Balada Joni dan Susi has been one of my favorite concept albums.

I had this urge to listen Menara yesterday. This urge is..more often than not..inexplicable. It's like a habit I don't fully understand. And I'd listen to that particular song over and over. I remembered I gave Balada Joni and Susi CD to my good friend when he moved to Washington DC, but before that I copied all songs. But I think I lost them when I was repairing my old laptop. I tried to find Menara on the internet, but all I could find was the live version, which I could enjoy but didn't want that time. But I still have 7 Hari Menuju Semesta and Mars Penyembah Berhala on my laptop. So I listened to them and decided to put 7 Hari on repeat.

Thank you, Ugoran Prasad. For writing a love song in indonesian, beautifully, tastefully, far from cheesy weezy. You're not the only one and the first, but still, thank you. Oh, and I love your voice.

image courtesy: here

Kamis, Jumat, Sabtu, Minggu pepatkan seluruh semesta. 

Kamis, Jumat, Sabtu, Minggu jika kau menginginkannya.

Page 342: Sometimes (part 33)

Sometimes I wonder if the memories of moments I shared with some people affect them the way they affect me when they appear in their mind. Like the memory of me kissing your closed eyelid the last time we met, that suddenly appeared this morning when I tried to collect the consciousness after waking up. I could've chosen other part of your face to kiss, that night (besides lips, of course, the mandatory one.) I chose your closed eyelid instead. I tried to remember why I did that. Maybe because that kinda kiss is believed to be some sort of way to wish a person well on every journey this person will have. Maybe because of Amelie. Maybe because I wish when you close your eyes, the image of me would appear, and you would remember me the way I want to be remembered. Maybe because I like you more than I should. One thing I'm certain of, I do hope you’re well wherever you are right now and wherever you'll be.

I miss you sometimes, dear hollow boy.
Although I know you don’t. You never did.

Page 341: Again

Damn, it feels good to be numb again. Ah, thank you universe!

Page 340: Sorry

Today the universe reminded me that people who still want me in their life and think that I matter to them will reach out. Will ensure that I know that somehow the feeling is mutual through a few sentences, spoken or written. Show some small gesture that they won’t give up on me. Which also reminded me that some people won’t give a shit when I’m out of their life, since it won’t make any difference to them anyway.

Today the universe reminded me that I should say goodbye to some people. Literally or through silence.

-

“I’m sorry I give up” 

Can you spot the line on the postcard?

Page 339: Dark Humor

Dear Life,

Yes, I like dark humor, but I don't think I'd enjoy your joke this time.

You gave her hypertension, cardiomegaly, osteoarthritis..now early symptoms of dementia?

Gimme a break..

Page 338: Evasive

To me, it’s easier to be evasive, sometimes. It’s easier to bottle up my feeling if it's not that important. And I’m pretty good at it. And this is the most frequent strategy I use. Because I think that's how I choose my battle wisely. I’d take a deep breath and just smile, and as time goes by, what’s inside the bottle would evaporate. Including the uneasy feeling when I just want to be understood and some people don’t give a shit and make me feel like I’m just a nuisance and what I feel don’t matter. But still..it still hurts when it comes from people that matter to you. Hurts a little bit. I still have other bottle to contain it.

image courtesy: here