Page 325: Stories and The Benefit of Doubt

Was it Chbosky who said that some moment will just be another story someday? I know all I have to do to put this curiosity to an end is to google it, but somehow I’m sure he said (or wrote) that line. And I’m sure I agreed with him. Some moment will just be another story. Another thing that will be carved on the surface of some part of your brain that once in a while will appear even when you aren’t trying to recall it.

The line sounds a little bit sad to me, it’s like suppressing the hope that not everything is temporary. But maybe actually everything is, and all we can do is to make peace with that sadness. The kinda sadness that make you go to bed with emotionless face and tired eyes, and chuckle a little bit for nurturing false hope. Nurturing the benefit of doubt. That things will actually get better for the rest of the year.

This is one of the plights of being a human with free will and jaded soul, we nurture that hope that something better from what we have or has happened to us will happen with new experience or experiment. We collect stories, collect memories, add feelings and distort it a little bit so it will comfort us when we read it. Because that’s what we all have. And we try not to get hurt, put patches on our comfort bubble here and there so it won’t collapse or let go of the air that we breathe in. We try not to be suffocated. And try to let the memories be good for those who stay.

The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague

So let the memories be good for those who stay

Page 304: Sometimes (part 32)

Hope will always be this elusive captivating vortex for her

– some kind of gate that can drag anyone to an enigmatic realm where reality can kill dreams in a heartbeat and serves them on a plate to feed each damaged starving soul.

She weaves the safety net to keep her away from it, even from its gleam.
She has preserved memories in a jar where she can taste a few drops of mirth when she needs it 

– the timidity that helps her to survive.

Sometimes, she closes her eyes as her heart whispers to an image of him, 

“You will always be a ghost flickering behind my eyelids when I sleep*. 

You're the myth I chose to keep.”

*from a prose written by Kriz of jktxnyc

Page 259: A Little Hope

Last night i watched The Hunger Games again for the 5th time (i guess), since HBO kept playing it again and again lately, and just realized that Snow said something really interesting,

"A little hope is effective. A lot of hope is dangerous. Spark is fine, as long as it's contained."

Nice note to self to start this year.
Happy new year everyone! :)

Page 62: A Glass I Hope Will Never Shatter

I’ve seen a lot of things in your big-cat-like eyes:

I’ve seen tears were streaming down, sometimes for unimportant and silly reasons, sometimes for rueful stories in the past.

I’ve seen sadness, anger and disappointment when your heart torn apart.

I’ve seen hope and dreams when we’re sitting and talking about a lot of things near our college, where we can see graveyard and “Jembatan Cincin”.

I’ve seen happiness when you’re sincerely laughing. When you finally won the item you’ve always wanted on some bargaining. When you succeeded to held surprise party for my birthday. When you hear good things happen to people you love. Or when you finally found the right man and took a vow to be with him as his wife.

Congratulations, my dearest Diade Riva. If things get rough, I want you to play and listen to "If You Fall" by Azure Ray…

Let's talk and we'll fill the air with imagery that lasts forever
So this is love 

Yeah that's a lovely thought
You have to care for it to keep it together
If you fall will you get up
You're stuck in a dream will you wake up
And if you fell in love will you hold on to it
And if it's cold will you stay warm
You drift too far will you swim towards the shore
And if you fell in love will you hold on to it
Lets just sing and we'll fill the air with melodies that blend together
You speak so sweet with words so delicate
A glass i hope will never shatter
If you fall will you get up
You're stuck in a dream will you wake up
And if you fell in love will you hold on to it
And if it's cold will you stay warm
You drift too far will you swim towards the shore
And if you fell in love will you hold on to it

Be good. Be happy…
:)

Page 61: Voicing The Voiceless

"I am all the days
That you choose to ignore

//

I only stick with you
Because there are no others"

 

***

I think one of the great things about songs is when it can represent your feeling when you’re too shy or confuse to tell it to someone.  Even at the end, you may not have the courage to send that song or tell that person that its lyrics reminds you of him/her, or tell people that the song describe your condition precisely, at least when you hear that song, you know you’re not alone. You know that somehow, the musician can catch the same vibe, flare, hope, dream, et-ce-te-ra-in-your-chest, and sing your story. You know that somehow,  they also voicing the voiceless: your heartbeat.

Page 53: Fold and Fun

If you can't find a unicorn...

fold one 

;)

---

Unicorn is a solitary mythical creature. Some say it symbolizes hope and dreams. So i folded it few days ago to remind myself that i can "fold" and build my dreams. That at least, i should give it a shot first :D

Page 13: Fragile Things

"There are so many fragile things, after all.
People break so easily,
And so do dreams and hearts"

Neil Gaiman said that. At introduction section in Fragile Things that makes my heart jumped a little when that verse read. And this thought came to me: your hope and dreams are things that make your heart break faster when you’re in love, beside its role as happy pill, of course. I'll give you an example. Once, my friend tweeted that he wish this person whom he had crush for, do bad things so he didn’t have to put a high expectations that they can actually be together. It really makes sense.  Let’s say, you like this guy, and he’s being nice to you. It’s really hard to think that he’s just being nice. Maybe that thought had crossed in your mind. But it wasn’t the only thing. Admit it. You’d wish he do that because he likes you.

 
The thing about dreams are, it makes you float – or fly, whatever suits you – while reality is the gravity that put you back to the ground. But the most irritating point, they don’t come together. Never. Dreams always come first. Take you to the sky. High. Fly. HIGH! And then reality comes: that you and that person can’t be together. Boom! You back to the ground. Fast and hard. Reality bites. And like Radiohead said, “gravity always wins”.

 And your heart breaks into pieces… Sometimes too tiny until you couldn’t find all of its parts. Even if you find them all, you’ll be frustrated try to put it back together. Plus heal it. Extra homework, dude… Extra.

But hey, don’t be sad. Gaiman also said that

“The peculiarity of most things we think of as fragile is how tough they truly are.
Hearts may break, but hearts are the toughest of muscles, able to pump for a lifetime,
Seventy times a minute, and scarcely falter along the way
Even dreams, the most delicate and intangible of things, can prove remarkably difficult to kill.”

So it’s really okay to put hope on those beautiful creatures, as long as you know when to stop. Yeah, when it hurts too much…

[But...how much is too much?]

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image: Fragile Things by Lacey Bryant