Page 328: Tease

Yeah..
Life will tease you with things you can't have.
I know that.

#eaaaaa #lagipinginlebay

I don't wanna be your friend

I just wanna be your lover

Page 220 : Sometimes... Part 21

Sometimes,

when things feel like unbearable (lightness of being, #nope :p ), I imagine that I can hear God laughs at me, and I’ll be like, “really?!”.

But I always know that it won’t be too long before I start to laugh along, I don’t know why, still I haven’t found the funny part. Maybe later.

Maybe.

In a little while

I'll be gone

The moment's already passed

Yeah, it's gone

Page 162: Today’s playlist

Because yesterday a friend sang this song and i did not recognize it right away. Weird, because there were this particular period of time when i listened to this song repeatedly.

Sorry, yorke. ;)

So let’s sing together!
“Little babies eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes,”

Aaaandddd............back to work!
:|

Page 64: Happiness Trigger #3: Radiohead

So here’s the problem when you’re listening to a band that formed when you’re still a toddler; when you’re at age when you can afford their ticket concert, they’ll be quite old. Old enough to make you afraid soon they’ll decided to retired or they’ll be too lazy to rock the stage. If it’s not the major issue, let’s say, that band gets bigger and better, the price of their concert ticket makes your jaw dropped. Or, if your saving’s enough to buy their ticket, they put another standard. Rumors said they won’t come to your country unless they know that your people concern about, and having contribution for; environmental issues, fair trade, or human rights.

With Radiohead and me, all of those problems above, mixed. I was the kid who’d come to my cousin’s room each noon to listened to Creep and stare at television when its video been played. I am that kid. They’re the band; 5 saints who created great music with brilliant lyrics. Yes, I admit I put them way way aside when those pretty boys from Boyzone, Backstreet Boys, 911, Moffats, Nsync, Five – you name it -  made me scream like a wacko. Hehe.

I’m not their fan at that time.

Not until idioteque. Not until Kid A.

Since then, they’re my greatest harborage. I’m aware that I’m not their biggest fan on earth, not even in this country.  But for me, they’re the greatest band on earth. The greatest! I love this band. And I hope one day I’ll have that luck to watch them live in concert. I’ve no doubt that I’ll cry like a baby during the show. I’ll have that shiver, cold palms, and heart that beats like an earthquake… 

Okay, this is going to be random:
-    Always on my playlist since the first time I heard these songs: “Let Down”, “Paranoid Android” and “Fog”.
-    I think Kid A was their best album so far, although my favorite’s still OK Computer (what can I say? It has “Let Down”, “Paranoid Android”, “No Surprises”, and “Karma Police” in it). Why Kid A was their best? Well, because it’s the album where they’d made such a brave move and brilliant concept. It’s synthesized, claustrophobic, alternately lush and abrasive, with cryptic lyrics. It’s like they didn’t give a shit what other people would say, or think, at that time. Their music changed quite drastically compared with previous album, OK Computer.
-    I used to think that Jonny Greenwood was half alien, just like Bjork. He doesn’t look older and getting sexier. :p
-    If I can choose which song to be play at my interment, that would be “Pyramid Song”
-    My wedding song: You.
“You are the sun and moon and stars are you. And I could never run away from you”
:)
-    Favorite video: Street Spirit (Fade Out)
-    Bought their latest album including vinyl although I don’t have the player. Yeah, I know it sounds silly. Hahahaha.
-    Really love the first shirt I have with their faces on it. Although my sister caused so much damage, and it looks so damn ugly with holes and dirt after she borrowed it.
-    Easily attract to a guy who also loves their music. Once, a guy tried to approach me, and when he said not so good thing about Radiohead, I decided not to let whatever kind of relationship he tried to build with me, happen. Yeah, I know it sounds silly too x)

Oh, how I love them :)

Page 61: Voicing The Voiceless

"I am all the days
That you choose to ignore

//

I only stick with you
Because there are no others"

 

***

I think one of the great things about songs is when it can represent your feeling when you’re too shy or confuse to tell it to someone.  Even at the end, you may not have the courage to send that song or tell that person that its lyrics reminds you of him/her, or tell people that the song describe your condition precisely, at least when you hear that song, you know you’re not alone. You know that somehow, the musician can catch the same vibe, flare, hope, dream, et-ce-te-ra-in-your-chest, and sing your story. You know that somehow,  they also voicing the voiceless: your heartbeat.

Page 57: Come To Mama, MAY!

This April has been a tiresome and quite devastating month for me. Why? This is why.

Plus, caterpillar invasion that caused me a mild depression. No kidding. Those creatures scare the hell out of me! So, I put a lot of hope on May. Can't wait for May. And. These. Are. The. Reasons:

Sapa, Vietnam

 Angkor Wat, Cambodia

Riding the bamboo train in Battambang, Cambodia 

Tây Ninh, home of the Cao Đài religion, Vietnam

 Hội An

Huế

 Mekong Delta

 Nha Trang 

YUP! Me and my besties, Dinda and Lia, are going to Vietnam and Cambodia for 15 days at May! Woohoooo!!!

Oh God, dear God, i really need this vacation! Hopefully everything going well, we'll have safe and fun trip. And I hope those pictures don't LIE. Hahaha.

Ouw, another happiness waiting in May....

Ta-daaaaaa... I'll have my newspaper album version of The King Of Limbs by Radiohead! Oh, i can't stop grinning like cheshire cat. :D

Praying... a lot... 

For May :)

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Page 39: The Lesson Today is How to Die*

Just because what you did was wrong, doesn't mean that giving up on your life is right.

-The United States of Leland-

That’s one of my most favorite quotes in the movie, because it stands out to fight all of the negative but clever words that came from Leland, the main character.

I think it wasn’t merely drama movie, but also contains hidden horror ingredients. It’s quite scary movie; because the thoughts of sadness, nothingness, and death was served in such an elegant yet simple way. It has a translucent statement, that die is better than live in a pathetic life when you think that you’re a miserable human being and people do think so. It brought up some kind of delicate approval to design your own death when you couldn’t bear the agony. Subtle provocations that “checked out” earlier from this world, or kill somebody to erase his/her pain were…okay.

image: Suicide by Celticwillow

Few days ago my friend, Bege, wrote in his facebook status, about a man whose wife commits suicide because she couldn’t stand being poor. It’s such a tragic story. Even your children couldn’t be the reason for you to hang on in this life.
But the man moved on. Keep working to fulfill the basic necessities of their children. Thank God he did. He’s the living lesson about survival, love, and responsibility in this imperfect world.

Yes, life is far from perfect, indeed.
And there’s no such thing called “happily ever after” in real life. But same thing happen with sadness, anyway.
They share the same throne. Sometimes happiness rules the kingdom, other times sadness is the king.
In life, alteration is constant. And uncertainty is definite.
There's always a chance things change drastically in an instant.
Good things turns to bad. Vice versa.
So when everything seems went wrong, it doesn’t mean that life is not worth for living anymore. It doesn't mean that die is the only answer. Some people say suicide is an option. But "option" means it's just one way among others. You can choose to die, or think about how you want to die, or you can choose and think about how to live your life. Because, hey, guess what, at the end, you'll die.. Why rushing?

Just “Breathe. Keep breathing. Don’t lose your nerve…” **
Breathe...

---

*taken from “I Don’t Like Mondays” by Tori Amos
**pretty line from "Exit Music(For a Film)" by Radiohead

P.S. So here’s some kind of puzzle about suicide. I was raised with the thought that suicide is one of those sins which God won’t have mercy upon. But if God had wrote your destiny, and death was something that you can’t avoid because it already been scheduled and destined, wouldn’t suicide also part of the big plan? I couldn’t find the answer ‘til now, so I guess I have to put that somewhere in my head, labeled it with “Wallahu allam bissawab” sticky note.

Page 30: My Dearest Harborage

I think the most important thing about music is the sense of escape.

- Thom Yorke -

-----

I guess that’s why I can always run to you(r works), my dearest ptosis-genius..
any conditions
any situations
:)