Sometimes,
people forgot their promises to u not because they're busy...
They just didn't think that u're that important
image: mummy boy by baboon
Page 44: The After Effects
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/
Posted in
after effects,
bun,
crying,
emotionally-insensitive,
life,
sticky
I hate the after effects of crying…
The drowsiness.
Swollen eyes.
Nasal mucus in my nose.
And the worst, feeling like a limp and wreck human.
It doesn’t solve anything. Never. That’s why when I was a little girl, my grandma used to tell me that crying give no contribution except showing your weakness to others. Your vulnerable side. I know she told me that so I can handle my problems with logic, not with emotion. Shape me to become a tough person. And when she passed away, I’d promise myself (and her) to hold my tears as long as I could when shite happens. Since then, sentimental movies and stories often failed to make me cry. Since then, Problems come and go, but my eyes stay dry, most of the time. Since then, I bite my lower lip harder ‘till pain that appear from it, somehow avoid crying. Since then, I shield myself with insensitivity.
But there are times when all hell breaks loose. Problems collide and strike. Not just present, but also the ghosts from the past. And I cried. Like a baby. Sobbed, like a mourning widow. In front of my sensitive and soft-hearted best friend, yesterday. Well, it wasn’t the first time I cried in front of Diade Riva Nugrahani. But never been that…uproar. And she told me that it’s okay to cry. “I cry a lot, hehe” she said. She also told me about a lot of thing that put my scattered soul back to a whole. *thank you, my dear :)
Yes, yesterday I felt that drowsiness.
Yes, yesterday I had that swollen eyes.
Yes, yesterday I had that nasal mucus in my nose.
Yes, definitely yes, yesterday I felt like a limp and wreck human.
And yes, it didn’t solve my problems.
But the good thing was I also feel relieved and ready to face whatever’s coming ahead.
“I’m ready. I’m ready” *singing like Spongebob :p
Yeah, it’s okay to cry once in a while. But I think I’m gonna avoid it for, like, at least one year ahead. Because as I told you before: I hate the after effects of crying.
:D
---
P.S. sorry I wasn’t aware about changes in your room, peh. It doesn’t proof that I love you less. I’m just an insensitive bastard. Yeah, u know that xp
The drowsiness.
Swollen eyes.
Nasal mucus in my nose.
And the worst, feeling like a limp and wreck human.
It doesn’t solve anything. Never. That’s why when I was a little girl, my grandma used to tell me that crying give no contribution except showing your weakness to others. Your vulnerable side. I know she told me that so I can handle my problems with logic, not with emotion. Shape me to become a tough person. And when she passed away, I’d promise myself (and her) to hold my tears as long as I could when shite happens. Since then, sentimental movies and stories often failed to make me cry. Since then, Problems come and go, but my eyes stay dry, most of the time. Since then, I bite my lower lip harder ‘till pain that appear from it, somehow avoid crying. Since then, I shield myself with insensitivity.
But there are times when all hell breaks loose. Problems collide and strike. Not just present, but also the ghosts from the past. And I cried. Like a baby. Sobbed, like a mourning widow. In front of my sensitive and soft-hearted best friend, yesterday. Well, it wasn’t the first time I cried in front of Diade Riva Nugrahani. But never been that…uproar. And she told me that it’s okay to cry. “I cry a lot, hehe” she said. She also told me about a lot of thing that put my scattered soul back to a whole. *thank you, my dear :)
Yes, yesterday I felt that drowsiness.
Yes, yesterday I had that swollen eyes.
Yes, yesterday I had that nasal mucus in my nose.
Yes, definitely yes, yesterday I felt like a limp and wreck human.
And yes, it didn’t solve my problems.
But the good thing was I also feel relieved and ready to face whatever’s coming ahead.
“I’m ready. I’m ready” *singing like Spongebob :p
Yeah, it’s okay to cry once in a while. But I think I’m gonna avoid it for, like, at least one year ahead. Because as I told you before: I hate the after effects of crying.
:D
---
P.S. sorry I wasn’t aware about changes in your room, peh. It doesn’t proof that I love you less. I’m just an insensitive bastard. Yeah, u know that xp
Page 43: It's Over, It's Nothing
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Thursday, February 24, 2011 /
Posted in
bun,
it's nothing,
it's over,
music,
sticky,
the russian futurists
The Russian Futurists - It’s Over, It’s Nothing
It’s gone and I’m lost and I’ve tossed away love without weighing the cost, and I’m
Sombre as Sundays, lonely as steel guitars,
sick as stray cats now cause you feel so far
And could you please fix me,
you mixed up my plans, I’ll be damned til I’m sixty
I’m old inside,
I’m hiding behind my youth,
inside my eyes is where you can find the truth
It’s over, it’s nothing, I’m glad I was sober; I knew you were bluffing,
But Holy fuck it stings, when you say those things to pull my puppet strings
It’s over and done with,
there’s some shit I hate and I fear I’ve become it,
But I can switch and shift and turn these lumps of coal into Christmas gifts
And If I had you, I could make it through one whole day without telling a lie
If I had you, I would know that life was more than a piss in the dark
If I had you, I could stop these years from slipping away through time
If I had you, I would know that we would never be missing that spark
I’m a man beaten senseless, defenceless against a barrage of relentless,
Kicks and blows, and sticks and some makeshift knives,
I almost prayed they’d stay and please take this life
I’m ugly and bucktoothed, my fucked youth’s been wasted, can’t wait to be cut loose,
But I’m not griping, wipe all your tears away,
it feels like lightning each time I hear you say
It’s over, it’s nothing, I’m glad I was sober; I knew you were bluffing,
But Holy fuck it stings, when you say those things to pull my puppet strings
It’s over and done with, there’s some shit I hate and I fear I’ve become it,
But I can switch and shift and turn these lumps of coal into Christmas gifts
But if I had you, I could make it through one whole year without thinking of you
If I had you, I could make it through one whole day without saying your name
If I had you, I could make it through one night without drinking for two
If I had you, I could spend these years lost, at least I’m not paying in pain
You’re gone and I’m lost and I’ve tossed away love without weighing the costs
But now,
what I lack in words is flowing from my heart and going back to yours
I’m doing the right thing; the shite thing about it is it’s not exciting
Because I’m licked and lost feeling like a coin being flipped and tossed
It’s over, it’s nothing, I’m glad I was sober; I knew you were bluffing,
But Holy fuck it stings, when you say those things to pull my puppet strings
It’s over and done with, there’s some shit I hate and I fear I’ve become it,
But I can switch and shift and turn these lumps of coal into Christmas gifts
Sombre as Sundays, lonely as steel guitars,
sick as stray cats now cause you feel so far
And could you please fix me,
you mixed up my plans, I’ll be damned til I’m sixty
I’m old inside,
I’m hiding behind my youth,
inside my eyes is where you can find the truth
It’s over, it’s nothing, I’m glad I was sober; I knew you were bluffing,
But Holy fuck it stings, when you say those things to pull my puppet strings
It’s over and done with,
there’s some shit I hate and I fear I’ve become it,
But I can switch and shift and turn these lumps of coal into Christmas gifts
And If I had you, I could make it through one whole day without telling a lie
If I had you, I would know that life was more than a piss in the dark
If I had you, I could stop these years from slipping away through time
If I had you, I would know that we would never be missing that spark
I’m a man beaten senseless, defenceless against a barrage of relentless,
Kicks and blows, and sticks and some makeshift knives,
I almost prayed they’d stay and please take this life
I’m ugly and bucktoothed, my fucked youth’s been wasted, can’t wait to be cut loose,
But I’m not griping, wipe all your tears away,
it feels like lightning each time I hear you say
It’s over, it’s nothing, I’m glad I was sober; I knew you were bluffing,
But Holy fuck it stings, when you say those things to pull my puppet strings
It’s over and done with, there’s some shit I hate and I fear I’ve become it,
But I can switch and shift and turn these lumps of coal into Christmas gifts
But if I had you, I could make it through one whole year without thinking of you
If I had you, I could make it through one whole day without saying your name
If I had you, I could make it through one night without drinking for two
If I had you, I could spend these years lost, at least I’m not paying in pain
You’re gone and I’m lost and I’ve tossed away love without weighing the costs
But now,
what I lack in words is flowing from my heart and going back to yours
I’m doing the right thing; the shite thing about it is it’s not exciting
Because I’m licked and lost feeling like a coin being flipped and tossed
It’s over, it’s nothing, I’m glad I was sober; I knew you were bluffing,
But Holy fuck it stings, when you say those things to pull my puppet strings
It’s over and done with, there’s some shit I hate and I fear I’ve become it,
But I can switch and shift and turn these lumps of coal into Christmas gifts
---
it’s a good song, but shite, it’s also a sad song...
Page 42: Stefan Said
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Monday, February 21, 2011 /
Posted in
act,
art,
book,
complaining,
design,
stefan sagmeister
Complaining is silly.
Either act
Either act
or forget.
---
me: aye aye captain! by the way, can i have one of these books?
no? how about all of them? that would be super awesome..
still no? :p
no? how about all of them? that would be super awesome..
still no? :p
Page 40: Failure
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Posted in
failure,
insecurity,
life,
sticky
image: word of the day bless by zaky arifin
Maybe,
a precious lesson about failure is to remind you which friends would give their best to keep you from falling to that bottom of self-pitying-abyss.
Thank you peh, shint, nyah… :)
Page 39: The Lesson Today is How to Die*
Just because what you did was wrong, doesn't mean that giving up on your life is right.
That’s one of my most favorite quotes in the movie, because it stands out to fight all of the negative but clever words that came from Leland, the main character.
I think it wasn’t merely drama movie, but also contains hidden horror ingredients. It’s quite scary movie; because the thoughts of sadness, nothingness, and death was served in such an elegant yet simple way. It has a translucent statement, that die is better than live in a pathetic life when you think that you’re a miserable human being and people do think so. It brought up some kind of delicate approval to design your own death when you couldn’t bear the agony. Subtle provocations that “checked out” earlier from this world, or kill somebody to erase his/her pain were…okay.
Few days ago my friend, Bege, wrote in his facebook status, about a man whose wife commits suicide because she couldn’t stand being poor. It’s such a tragic story. Even your children couldn’t be the reason for you to hang on in this life.
But the man moved on. Keep working to fulfill the basic necessities of their children. Thank God he did. He’s the living lesson about survival, love, and responsibility in this imperfect world.
Yes, life is far from perfect, indeed.
And there’s no such thing called “happily ever after” in real life. But same thing happen with sadness, anyway.
They share the same throne. Sometimes happiness rules the kingdom, other times sadness is the king.
In life, alteration is constant. And uncertainty is definite.
There's always a chance things change drastically in an instant.
Good things turns to bad. Vice versa.
So when everything seems went wrong, it doesn’t mean that life is not worth for living anymore. It doesn't mean that die is the only answer. Some people say suicide is an option. But "option" means it's just one way among others. You can choose to die, or think about how you want to die, or you can choose and think about how to live your life. Because, hey, guess what, at the end, you'll die.. Why rushing?
Just “Breathe. Keep breathing. Don’t lose your nerve…” **
Breathe...
*taken from “I Don’t Like Mondays” by Tori Amos
**pretty line from "Exit Music(For a Film)" by Radiohead
P.S. So here’s some kind of puzzle about suicide. I was raised with the thought that suicide is one of those sins which God won’t have mercy upon. But if God had wrote your destiny, and death was something that you can’t avoid because it already been scheduled and destined, wouldn’t suicide also part of the big plan? I couldn’t find the answer ‘til now, so I guess I have to put that somewhere in my head, labeled it with “Wallahu allam bissawab” sticky note.
That’s one of my most favorite quotes in the movie, because it stands out to fight all of the negative but clever words that came from Leland, the main character.
I think it wasn’t merely drama movie, but also contains hidden horror ingredients. It’s quite scary movie; because the thoughts of sadness, nothingness, and death was served in such an elegant yet simple way. It has a translucent statement, that die is better than live in a pathetic life when you think that you’re a miserable human being and people do think so. It brought up some kind of delicate approval to design your own death when you couldn’t bear the agony. Subtle provocations that “checked out” earlier from this world, or kill somebody to erase his/her pain were…okay.
image: Suicide by Celticwillow
Few days ago my friend, Bege, wrote in his facebook status, about a man whose wife commits suicide because she couldn’t stand being poor. It’s such a tragic story. Even your children couldn’t be the reason for you to hang on in this life.
But the man moved on. Keep working to fulfill the basic necessities of their children. Thank God he did. He’s the living lesson about survival, love, and responsibility in this imperfect world.
Yes, life is far from perfect, indeed.
And there’s no such thing called “happily ever after” in real life. But same thing happen with sadness, anyway.
They share the same throne. Sometimes happiness rules the kingdom, other times sadness is the king.
In life, alteration is constant. And uncertainty is definite.
There's always a chance things change drastically in an instant.
Good things turns to bad. Vice versa.
So when everything seems went wrong, it doesn’t mean that life is not worth for living anymore. It doesn't mean that die is the only answer. Some people say suicide is an option. But "option" means it's just one way among others. You can choose to die, or think about how you want to die, or you can choose and think about how to live your life. Because, hey, guess what, at the end, you'll die.. Why rushing?
Just “Breathe. Keep breathing. Don’t lose your nerve…” **
Breathe...
---
*taken from “I Don’t Like Mondays” by Tori Amos
**pretty line from "Exit Music(For a Film)" by Radiohead
P.S. So here’s some kind of puzzle about suicide. I was raised with the thought that suicide is one of those sins which God won’t have mercy upon. But if God had wrote your destiny, and death was something that you can’t avoid because it already been scheduled and destined, wouldn’t suicide also part of the big plan? I couldn’t find the answer ‘til now, so I guess I have to put that somewhere in my head, labeled it with “Wallahu allam bissawab” sticky note.
Page 38: Black Mo(ur)nday
image: mourning 3 . . . by `mehmeturgut
When people run in circles it’s a very, very, mad world
-Gary Jules, Mad World-
Let’s not forget the mistreating of faith diversity and humanity…
The day those bigots use religion to justify all horrible things they did; they've thrown their humanity to commit violence, in the name of God.
Playing God.
*deep condolences for Cikeusik
Page 37: Dreams Are Real
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Friday, February 4, 2011 /
Posted in
author,
book,
dreams,
fragile things,
neil gaiman
People think dreams aren't real
just because they aren't made of matter,
just because they aren't made of matter,
of particles.
Dreams are real.
But they are made of viewpoints,
of images,
of memories
and puns
and lost hopes..
---
One of my favorite authors, ever..
Thank you, sir, for Anansi Boys, Coraline, Fragile Things, The Graveyard Book, and other great books..
:)
Page 36: Confuzzled
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/
Posted in
confuzzled,
life,
racist,
sticky
I've been confuzzled* by these things lately…
One
How someone could turn into stupid racist (or bigot). They’re killing or attacking other people just because those people have...different physical appearance from them. Different skin color. Different eye-shape. Couple of days ago, me and bunch of friends talked about the horrible incident that happened years ago in my country. The chaos that caused Chinese people being attacked in such a sick and devastating way. I know that maybe, it was some kind of jealousy. Grudge. I just don’t know, or understand, how it had change into some wrath they’d throw onto random people. You blame them for your poverty, so you think it was okay to rob their houses, stole their property, and rape their daughters? Bollocks! My friend said it was a part of big political scenario to put this country into chaos and blablabla and yeah-I’ve-heard-that-before. For whatever reason, I think that’s just sick. Back to racist sh*tty stuff, your appearance is not who you are, right? You’re not your skin tone. You’re not your job. You’re not your hair cut. You’re not your eye color or shape. You’re not your face-structure. You’re not.just.that. You’re so much more. But all of that complexity wrapped in one simple word: human. You’re human. They’re human. What makes you good or bad human is not your race.
Two
The thought that “eating alone without companion is pathetic”. Well, hmm... Just because you think that person is pathetic, doesn’t mean that he/she is pathetic or self-pitying. Besides, alone and lonely is a two different things. I think.
Three
Person that trying so damn hard to fit in one community; so he/she has to change their habit, their likes and dislikes, things to buy, what to wear, where to go. Change. So much. Too much. Although he/she doesn’t feel comfortable with that. It’s not like you’re criminal nor have a mental disorder so you have to fix yourself as soon as possible, eh?
Four
Full-time twitter police.
:p
---
*Confuzzled: combination of being confused and puzzled.
Page 35: A Thing About Insecurity*
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Tuesday, February 1, 2011 /
Posted in
dark side,
insecurity,
sticky,
truth
The one who
can handle your insecurity
is yourself.
Yes, my dear. No matter how hard people told you and try to convince you that everything’s going to be alright, it won’t fade away completely if you don’t drive it out.
Everyone has their own insecurities. Crawling and creeping from their dark sides. It’s so human.
...
That’s the ugly truth.
And just like happiness, maybe its seeds also stay within every soul, to remind us the bitter-sweet of being a mortal. Some kind of alert, so you can prepare for the worst. But be careful, there’s a thin line between preparing for the worst and being paranoid.
So just walk and hold on to that silver lining. Embrace life; a journey stuffed with..uncertainties and imperfections…
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